Reflections on Being Thankful

The Thanksgiving holiday weekend has come to an end but I have yet to sit down and seriously consider its meaning for me.  A week ago my pastor asked the children during the children’s time in worship if they could be thankful for difficult things that happened.  What if their dog died?  The children’s answers were amazingly thoughtful.  My pastor repeated this line of questioning at our Bible study that week.

How did I answer that question?  I had attended the Transgender Day of Remembrance vigil a couple of days before so my mind was on that.  We remembered the 23 transwomen who were murdered in the U.S. during the past year.  I am grateful for the transpeople who are willing to stand up in public to tell their stories and educate the rest of us.  I know the woman who shared at the vigil.  I held my breath and there was a knot in my stomach as she told about her aborted suicide--such a personal story to share.  She is brave.

As I reflect on my life this year, I know I have so much to be thankful for—too much to list.  Of course, I think about my family and my home.  I am grateful for my little cat that almost died; she is now healthy.  However, I do think it is important to think bigger.

This past year has been a difficult one for our country.  The election of Donald Trump was a dark day in U.S. history.  He seems determined to turn the country upside down, destroying all the progress we have made in recent years.  Trump’s behavior toward women has been horrendous yet he seems proud of it.  I could go on and on.  People are discouraged and depressed (and these feelings will increase if one of the GOP tax bills passes).  What gives me hope, what I am truly grateful for is the reaction of a large number of Americans citizens.  The cry is RESIST!  People are volunteering and donating money to groups like the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, and many more.  Citizens are signing up to run for office—people who have never run before.  Candidates include a large number of women.  People are speaking up about abuse of power, especially sexual harassment.  I am grateful for the courageous women who speak up, exposing themselves to ridicule.

New social action groups are popping up all over.  People feel they need to DO something.  While there is despair, there is a new energy from people who never considered themselves political in the past.  I am thankful for all the honest, hardworking people who want to make a positive difference.  Together we can make our country a more inclusive, fair, creative, and prosperous nation.

Enough is Enough

This morning, barely awake, I sat down at the table with a cup of coffee and opened up Facebook on my phone.  One of the first posts I saw mentioned Las Vegas last night.  Oh no.  What happened?  Reluctantly I opened up the NPR app and learned about the mass shooting.  OMG.  Not again.

My first reaction was anger.  Why has this happened again?!?  Why won’t we do something to stop it?  My heart breaks for the families of the people who were killed (58 was the last count) and the over 500 injured.  But anger is my overwhelming feeling.  I do not apologize for it nor do I feel that it is inappropriate or somehow disrespectful to the victims to state why I am angry.  I want to hold on to this anger and turn it into positive action.

I am tired of simply praying every time this happens.  Perhaps God is tired of it too.  Do we really expect God to rescue us from the greed and foolishness of our society?  Our creator gave us brains; I think we are expected to use them.  I believe that God may share my anger.  Does God want me to use my anger to work for change?  God is not going to magically fix it all for us.  I think we are expected to do it.

Why does this keep happening?  Other western countries do not have large, numerous mass shootings.  Other countries have stricter gun control laws.  Why don’t we?  Many citizens scream “Second Amendment” when there is talk about gun control.  Of course, the Second Amendment actually refers to militias, not individuals plus guns in those days could only should one bullet at a time.

The primary opponent of gun control is the National Rifle Association or NRA.  The organization was founded to teach rifle marksmanship.  Until the 1970s, the NRA focused on sportsmen, hunters and target shooters.  Now they show little interest in supporting gun owners.  The NRA now exists to support big arms dealers.  It is all about profit and there is big money to be made.  They oppose any type of restrictions on gun ownership and in fact are now supporting a bill before Congress that would prohibit background checks for silencers.  Who are they protecting?  They use fear mongering to rile up gun owners who worry that the government will take away their guns.  People run out and buy more guns which means more money for their clients, the gun manufacturers.  For a long time I have wondered if the NRA is connected to organized crime.  Their positions cause me to think this but I have never seen any proof.  People use the word “evil” when discussing mass shootings.  I think this label really belongs to the NRA.

I want to state that I am not opposed to all guns.  I have family members who own guns for self-protection, target practice, and hunting.  While I have no personal interest in owning guns, I will stand up for the rights of responsible gun owners.  I do not believe that individuals need semi-automatic or automatic weapons which are intended for one thing only—to kill people.  Convicted criminals and mentally unstable people should not own guns.

What do I do with my anger?  I have written and called my representatives in Congress.  It does no good.  They are in the pockets of the NRA.  It is all about money.  Do we fight it by raising more money?  Perhaps.  Those of us who are angry and want this insanity to stop must work together.  Now.  No more excuses or worries about being political.  It is already political—now is the time for action.

I will not stop praying but my prayers will not be just for the victims.  I will pray for courage to stand up to this menace, a threat to a safe, peaceful society.  I pray my anger will motivate me to work for change in our response to gun violence.

A Shared Experience

Barely recovered from vacation, I drove north alone to join some interfaith friends for a total eclipse gathering.  (My husband was joining his guy friends elsewhere.)  In less than an hour I arrived at a cabin surrounded by lots of trees.  The owners and a guest greeted me.

Once I got settled in, I ate some lunch and we talked.  And we talked and we talked.  And we laughed.  There was so much laughter.  We took a short drive around the area, a little tour.  Soon, it was time for dinner—chili, cornbread, and kale salad.  The conversation continued.  We watched a movie then headed for bed.

In Idaho cell service can be spotty or non-existent in rural areas.  Such is the case in this location. No land line.  No TV.  I can receive some emails and texts but sending out is difficult.  This means that we can concentrate on the people around us.

The next morning my roommate and I slept in.  It felt good.  We enjoyed a late breakfast and we were sipping coffee and chatting when the last two guests arrived.  They were served lunch.  The six of us sat around the table and we talked.  What great conversation!  In fact, we sat there and talked for hours.  I can’t remember the last time I did that.

We are a diverse group brought together by interfaith connections.  My hosts and my roommate are all Jewish, active in their congregation and in the community.  The couple who arrived last is a mixed marriage—he is a practicing Muslim and she is a not so active Christian.  I am Christian.  Our female host does not have a college degree but has been part of a family business since she was a young woman.  She is not hurting for money.  Her husband has both a law degree and a doctorate; he worked as a teacher, among other things.  My roommate is a retired teacher with a doctorate degree who taught refugee kids, college, and more.  One guest is an engineering professor and another is a retired counselor.  We all have some experience working for human rights.  One person was involved in the civil rights movement when he was a student.  These people have traveled and/or lived abroad.  They are smart, religious, and active in our community.

When we decided to rise from the table, a couple people took naps, a couple visited on the deck, and my roommate and I went for a walk.  We came together a couple hours later for dinner.  The six of us ate on the deck and once again enjoyed a lively conversation –for hours.  We were shocked to learn when we walked inside that it was after 10:00 p.m.

These conversations have left me wanting more.  What did we talk about?  All sorts of things—religion, politics, travel, people, living abroad, our upbringing, loss of children, and more.  Although we did not agree on everything, these were polite conversations. We listened respectfully to each other.  And we laughed.  Our hostess has a collection of jokes in her head and a dry sense of humor—she’s good with the one liners.  I sat there wishing that there could be more conversations like this in our country.  If we could all sit down with people different from us and get to know them, it would make a huge difference in our country.  We talked about how to change the minds of young people who are neo-Nazis—a few at a time.  Love and respect for our fellow human beings is essential if we want to turn around the divisiveness in our country.  All six of us are trying to make a positive difference in our community—in different ways. 

This morning we woke up early to be ready for the total eclipse.  We placed our chairs out in the driveway.  Two visitors at the cabin next door joined us.  This special experience was made so much better by the people present.  We joked and took photos of each other.  When the moon finally covered the sun completely and it became dark, we were in awe.  What an experience to share!  Not only will I remember the solar eclipse, I will remember those with whom I shared this amazing day.

Written on 8/21/2017

Once in a Lifetime

Lined up in our chairs

Our heads tilted toward the sun

We waited for it

The sun was intense

Special protective glasses

Sat on our noses

We laughed and we looked

The moon crept over the sun

Light began to dim

The smaller the sun

The more colors we could see

Yellow, orange, and red

The air got cooler

Only a sliver was left

And then it was gone

We dropped our glasses

A jewel shone before us

Bright in the dark sky

An amazing sight

This was a total eclipse

It was breathtaking

The sun rays poked out

As the moon kept moving on

On went our glasses

Excitement was gone

The sun’s colors kept changing

With blue and green shades

Soon the sun was back

Our eclipse party over

Memories to keep

Written on 8/21/2017, the day of the total eclipse in Garden Valley, Idaho

Get Off the River

I am on the river

Moving downstream

I quickly pass the shores

Unaware of what is there

It’s hard to get off the river

But when I find a good spot

I paddle over and step off

I sit quietly and watch

The river goes on without me

And I am left with my thoughts

I pick up a pen and draw

That which I missed before

I feel the life around me

I listen to the river

And the wind in the trees

I am content and at peace

Written on 7/21/2017

A New Campground

We escaped the heat of Boise yesterday.  Right now I am sitting on the bank of the Salmon River.  Our favorite campground is closed so we found a campsite at the Casino Creek campground.  We were lucky to get this spot.  We were delayed on the highway coming up because of a head-on collision.  All of the campgrounds we checked out were already full—they are very popular.  We chose campsite #1 at Casino Creek.  Our nearest neighbor is not very close so the only noise is the sound of the river and, unfortunately, a steady stream of traffic on Highway 75 across the river from us.

There are so many things to appreciate.  Last night I gazed up at the myriad of stars twinkling in the clear dark sky.  It never ceases to amaze me.  This morning an osprey dived into the river and came out with a fish in its beak.  Sometime later we spotted a beautiful western tanager, bright orange and yellow, fluttering around our campsite.  At this moment I am enjoying the numerous bright yellow flowers on the potentilla bushes.  Closer to the river I spot one lone pink flower in a sea of yellow.  The river is so peaceful, I find I can tune out the noise of the cars.

What’s next today?  Time to find out!

Written on 7/20/2017

We Must Learn to Walk in the Dark

A few days ago I finished reading Learning to Walk in the Dark by Barbara Brown Taylor.  I can see why it was on the New York Times Bestseller list.  Taylor did a lot of research for her book—from sitting in a cave in absolute darkness to rereading scriptures to see how often God shows up at night.  She writes about both literal darkness and metaphysical darkness.  “. . . I have learned things in the dark that I could never have learned in the light, things that have saved my life over and over again, so that there is really only one logical conclusion.  I need darkness as much as I need light.”

This book made me think.  How do I feel about darkness?  What do I fear?  I know that I had some fear as a child; there were always night lights for us.  I’m sure I was afraid of the monster that might jump out of the closet but my parents always made us feel safe and protected.  And now?  When I am out in the dark alone my biggest fear is people with bad intentions.  At home we have nightlights because we don’t want to bump into something.  At times I enjoy being outside at night.  When I’m camping I love to look at the stars and walk in the moonlight.  During the hot days we’ve been having I love to walk out into my yard in the cooler temperatures; my garden looks so different in the dark.  What darkness do I fear in my life?  That’s simple.  I fear losing someone I love.  I do not have much experience with death.

Of course, I cannot ignore the darkness most of us see in our country right now.  Nearly everything we cherish is now threatened.  Our fears are real.  Could I end up without healthcare?  Will someone I love be deported?  I fear the hate and violence that occur on a daily basis.  Will we end up in a nuclear war?  We feel helpless.  What can we do to stop this train wreck?  We have lost control.  Taylor says that we “do not easily relinquish our control over how dark or bright it is, either in our houses or in our souls.”

This seemed like the perfect time to pick up this book that I had sitting on my shelf.  I believe we need to learn to “walk in the dark” both individually and collectively.  How do we do this?

It is natural to be afraid of the dark.  However we should remember that God is always with us—it was God’s promise to his children.  It will do no good to stay home with our doors locked and our lights on.  We must venture out the front door of our homes, our churches, synagogues, mosques, and temples—out into the dark.  We can hold each other’s hands.

Yes, it can be dangerous out there.  We could get hurt.  However, we have each other for support.  As we spend more time in the dark, our eyes adjust.  We do not stumble as much.  We will learn to manage our fear of darkness, developing courage.

In her book, Taylor told an interesting story about a blind French resistance fighter who wrote “I had completely lost the sight of my eyes; I could not see the light of the world anymore.  Yet the light was still there.”  He went on to say “The source of light is not in the outer world.  We believe that it is only because of a common delusion.  The light dwells where life also dwells: within ourselves.”

For me this light he describes is the little spark of God we all carry within.  We may not be aware of it, but it is always there.  When it is dark, we need this light more than ever.  We can reflect this light, the love that is God, to all around us.  Let’s step out into the darkness together and change our world.  Let’s make our country a better place for everyone to live.

Feline Independence

Slowly she stretched out her legs

Reaching for the last of the sun’s rays

She wound herself around a chair leg

Then bounded off, jumping at a spot on the wall

Slowly and quietly she stepped through the grass

Her body moved with a rhythm

That declared her independence

Despite this I approached her carefully

I reached down to scratch her head and she purred

Realizing that she needed me as much as I need her

Written on 5/29/2017, the last of the writing assignments that I will share here.

Mountain Top Explorations

Your boot-clad feet kick up the trail dust

I follow close behind, matching your pace

Wildflowers border the trail like a colorful carpet

We climb higher, I breathe hard and my feet grow heavy

As we round a bend you stop suddenly

We gaze in awe at the spectacle before us

A snow-capped mountain and a lake shining like a jewel

You take my hand and we sit on a log to rest

Our eyes meet and I see the joy and love

We move closer, our lips touch, and I hold my breath

It seems that we have become one with all around us

Written on 5/7/2017 as part of another writing exercise

Awakening

I have always been ready to move on

To move to the next thing

I realize that I miss other things

There is so much in the world to experience

But our time here is limited

And my aging body slows me down

I need to understand the rhythm that is me

We are all connected through the love that is God

I will look others in the eye and take their hands

Stop, listen, and create from what I learn

 Written on 4/30/17 as part of a writing assignment in a devotion book I have been using.

What Would Jesus Do?

It is hard to read

Their words cut like knives

Health care is not a right

If you’re sick or older

Pay more for your care

Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!

You cannot afford it?

Nobody dies from lack of care

Wait unit you’re really sick

Then go to the ER

They can’t turn you away

You can die there

And yet these same people

Good Christians that they are

Fight hard for their religious freedom

Their right to discriminate

Against anyone who is different

They say it’s God’s will

What would Jesus do?

Would he recognize these Christians?

Perhaps he’d call them Pharisees

Where is the love that Jesus displayed?

Jesus hung out with society’s unwanted

Tax collectors, prostitutes, lepers

He healed the sick, even on the Sabbath

Jesus showed us what love looks like

He cared for the poor and chastised the rich

This carpenter’s son was a rebel in his day

Jesus challenged the authorities

And showed us how to live with others

We must fight for God’s Kingdom

Resist!

We Are Easter People

Holy Week was difficult in many ways.  It was rainy and I hurt.  My dear sweet giraffe friend, Julius Longfellow, suddenly was gone.  My little Sadie cat has taken a turn for the worse.  And then there are all the dark things happening in our country and the world, even fears of a nuclear attack by North Korea.  It was so easy to feel the despair of Good Friday.

On Easter morning I was ready for sudden joy and brightness during our service.  The sun was shining although the air was cool.  People were dressed up.  The children made me smile during the children’s time—and there were so many of them.  But that great joy that would blot out the darkness just wasn’t there.  The Easter flowers were beautiful, but. . .

I realized that everything wasn’t suddenly wonderful for the disciples either.  The women learned the good news first and they were the ones who told the disciples.  It took a while for them to comprehend what the resurrection meant for them.  However, they learned what they were meant to do and they changed the world.  But they did this at great cost to themselves.

What is Easter really about?  I think it is about hope.  It’s about God’s love for us.  God took something horrible and turned it into something joyous.  We are living in dark times and people are full of fear.  God is still here, continuing to love us.  There is hope.  We need to step forward, just like the disciples after the resurrection, and follow Jesus.  Hope and love abound.  We need to look for it in each other.  We are the Easter people and together we can change the world.

Written on 4/18/17

Human Barometer

Dark clouds fill the sky

The rain will come soon now

My body knows this

I woke up in pain

A human barometer

Every joint hurts

I wish it would rain

I wait for the sun’s return

And more pleasant days

This was written in my journal and I decided to doodle (Zentangle) on that page.  A photo is below

Storm Clouds

A storm is brewing

Wind whips through trees

Reminding me of faraway troubles

Yesterday 59 bombs fell on Syria

Bombs from U.S. ships

In retaliation for horrible chemicals

Weapons used by Syria’s leaders

On their own people—men, women,

And helpless little children

Why?

My heart aches with all of this

Where will it all end?

Violence begets violence

And the innocent suffer

Can we not see the connection?

The connection between us all?

That connection that is love?

The love that is God?

This was written in a journal on April 7, 2017 along with a little artwork.  The photo is of the journal page.

Made to Create

God is Creator

I am made in God’s image

So I create too

I am so busy

My mind is a carousel

Spinning round and round

I take time for me

As a new Lenten practice

I yearn to create

I pick up my pen

And a white square of paper

I begin to draw

Time has no meaning

The lines and shapes flow from my pen

My mind is focused

I add color next

It adds a new dimension

I am enchanted

I admire my work

Put away pens and pencils

My mind is so clear

The fog has left me

There’s energy in my step

I need to create

Spring is Coming!

It’s been a long winter. . . in many ways.  When we left Florida in early January it was 85 degrees.  We arrived back in Boise in the middle of a snowstorm.  There was over a foot of snow on the ground.  The taxi got stuck in our driveway and my husband had to help the driver dig out.  The snow continued to fall and the temperature dropped to 0 degrees.  That meant the snow stuck around.  We hired a couple of teenage boys to shovel out our front driveway so we would have one car to drive.  After another week or so we hired a guy with a snow plow attachment to plow out the back driveway; I needed our van.  We ended up with a wall of snow—it looked like a snow fort.

Boise is supposed to be the banana belt of Idaho.  We don’t usually get that much snow.  The last record was in 1983-84, our first Idaho winter.  (People had told us that the snow all melts off by noon in Boise.)  The snow stayed on the ground for a while but we did not have this much snow at one time.  I went out as needed.  I learned to drive in the icy ruts in our driveway and subdivision.  The main roads weren’t bad.  As the snow packed down, it became ice.  I slid around our cars instead of walking.  One day while parked downtown my shin slid into the metal at the bottom of the driver’s door—my bone bruise is still healing.

I attended events, meetings, and trainings downtown, including at the Capitol.  We began our weekly prayer vigils but shortened them to a half hour because it was so cold.  I always take photos and post them.  One Wednesday I wondered how wise it was to post that day’s photos—I might scare people away.  Everybody looked absolutely miserable.

We went days without seeing the sun.  In January I was still recovering from my surgery so my energy level was low.  So was my mood.  Every new snow fall brought groans.  I bought insulated snow boots.  I ordered cleats to attach to my shoes so I could walk on the ice.  It began to rain so we ended up with a slushy mix of snow, water, and ice.

And then it began to get warmer.  The snow and ice gradually started to disappear.  The rivers began to rise, flooding some areas.  There is no longer any snow or ice nearby.  I do think spring is on its way.  People here are more than ready after our record winter.  I have seen crocuses popping up around town and small green leaves are budding out on a bush by our front walkway.

The sun was shining when I awoke this morning.  A weekend trip had been cancelled so I had the whole day ahead of me.  I was on a mission to sort, organize, and clean the mess of our table.  Plans formed in my head for the next home projects.  The creative part of me stirred and wondered what to do.  (Tonight I am writing.)  I looked at my messy craft table and realized I have to clean that up next.  My sluggish winter brain and body are coming back to life.  What can I create next?  The world awakens in spring and new possibilities emerge.

Written on 3/11/2017

Shock and Awe

My head spins

I can’t keep track

What will he do next?

Tweets in the night

Executive orders by day

Outrage after outrage

Shock and awe

Defund Obamacare

Repeal ASAP

Replacement will be great!

No plans yet

Patients begin to panic

Wait! It will be great!

Keystone and Dakota

Build those pipelines!

Sacred ground? Clean water?

Global Gag Rule

Don’t say abortion

Poor women, deal with it

Shock and awe

Refugee programs suspended

Muslims blocked from U.S.

Don’t want any terrorists

Syrian children with haunted eyes

Refugees stuck at airports

Sanctuary cities defunded

Shock and Awe

Protest here, protest there

Attend a hearing tomorrow

Organize and post on social media

We’re all so tired already

But that’s the point, isn’t it?

Distraction.  What else is he doing?

Shock and awe—Resist!

Light a Candle

As I sit here our new president is being sworn into office.  I cannot watch.  It is too painful.  My stomach is in knots and my heart hurts.  This is a dark day in American history.  I am sitting in my room next to a small table.  On it are several crosses, some rocks and glass stones, a white stone with the word “justice” and three small candles, all lit.  My favorite candle is the heart-shaped one in the middle.  I am focusing on the light.

Donald Trump is now our president.  That is difficult to accept but there is nothing I can do about it.  I refuse to focus on this man and the damage I fear he will do to the country I love.  Instead I will concentrate on what I can do.

The one—and only—positive thing I see coming from this new president is the mobilization of progressive Americans.  For example, here in Idaho Planned Parenthood began receiving a flood of donations and new volunteers the day after the election.  Our Idaho Democratic Party, which is small, also has a lot of volunteers.  Groups of concerned citizens are forming to stand up and fight for what they value.  This is happening all over the country.  Tomorrow, thousands and thousands of women, and the men who love them, will march in Washington, D.C. to state that women’s rights are human rights.  There are hundreds of sister marches all over the country.  Here in Boise our march was organized by two high school girls.  This gives me hope.

What will I do?

Tomorrow I will walk with other Idaho citizens in the Women’s March on Idaho from the Idaho State Capitol to Boise City Hall.  I will continue to participate in marches, rallies, and vigils to take a public stand for justice for all people.  I will continue to wear black and carry signs to demonstrate with Add the 4 Words to bring equality for LGBT people in this state.

 I will work with the interfaith coalition I began 3 years ago to stand up for LGBT rights.  We have expanded our focus to cover other progressive issues.  Our four pillars are: Climate Change, Religious Respect, Economic Justice, and Human Rights & Equality.  Interest in our coalition is growing, especially among clergy.  I am inspired by the faithful, passionate, and articulate clergy who I work with on the steering committee and larger planning team.  While we are just getting started with new plans for this year, our prayer vigils will continue in front of the Capitol each Wednesday while the legislature is in session. 

 I will work with fellow United Methodists on justice issues. I am excited about attending a justice conference next month in Portland.  Our keynote speaker will be a new bishop recently appointed in our Western Jurisdiction—a lesbian, much to the dismay of many in our denomination.  I look forward to meeting and sharing ideas with other progressive Methodists.  How do we change our church?  How do we change our world?

 I will try to be more diligent about contacting my senators and representatives in Congress.  I live in a very red state so I rarely agree with the men who supposedly represent me.  Contacting them seems like a waste of time so I have to remind myself that it is still important to give them my opinion.  When election time rolls around again, I will work to support people who better represent my values. ·         

I will wear my safety pin so people who are fearful will know that I am a safe person and that I will support them.  I take this statement seriously and will do all I can to stand up for marginalized people. 

Do not be afraid! (This is repeated many times in the Bible.)   I refuse to let fear of what might happen stop me.  I am determined to make a difference in my community, spreading love and joy instead of hate.  I believe that my energy is best spent working locally; there is plenty to do here.  I will carry my little candle into the darkness and together with my fellow citizens we will begin to light our world once again.