Sunday, June 16, 2024


Remembering My Dad on Father's Day

It’s been nearly two years since I last posted here.  Why so long?  I simply haven’t had in me.  I like to write but I have to be in the mood.  Two years ago in January, we lost my 94-year-old dad.  He lived a good long life, and it was his time to go, but it was still hard.  I had intended to write about him soon after it happened, but I couldn’t.  It didn’t get easier as time went on.  Perhaps that is why I haven’t written anything.  I don’t know.  Somehow, this Father’s Day has been harder than the last two.  I am sad I can’t talk to him.  All the ads for this special day just make it harder.  There are tears.  I miss him.  I was so lucky that he was my dad.

Actually, I did write about him after he died.  I wrote his obituary with input from my mom and siblings.  My mom waited to hold his memorial service until their wedding anniversary on June 18.  In two days, it will be two years.  I spoke at his service on behalf of my family.  How do you sum up a life in such a short bit of time?  Today, on Father’s Day, I want to share my dad with you.  Here is what I said:

Good afternoon.  I am Verne’s eldest child.

It seems appropriate that we are celebrating my dad’s life here.  He attended this church as a child and was active in the youth group.  When he returned to Placerville 15 years ago, he and my mom became members.  He was sad when he could no longer attend services and hoped to return.

My sister commented on how much our dad’s upbringing influenced his life.  He was a country boy who lived a simple life. He grew up on Coon Hollow Road, just up the road from his grandparents.  He and his brothers walked down the road to the one-room Coon Hollow School, the same school that his mother and uncles attended.  In November, Dad and I sat on their deck overlooking Coon Hollow Road.  He talked about the orchards that his grandparents owned.  They covered the area, but those trees are mostly gone now.  He told me that when he went off to the Navy, the other guys teased him about being a country boy—but those city boys didn’t know how to shoot a gun.  It became his job to teach them.

Family was important when he was growing up and he carried that value into adulthood.  My dad was a devoted husband to my mom.  Today would have been their 72nd wedding anniversary.  They showed us what love looks like.

He was a wonderful father.  He didn’t discuss his feelings verbally very often, but he showed his love by his actions.  We never doubted that he loved us.  My sister and I discovered that we have a lot of the same fond memories.  When we were little, he would play with us on the floor.  We loved it when he would balance us on his feet.  When our brother was old enough to have an electric train, our dad created a board that he could raise and lower and on it he attached train tracks, buildings, trees, people—an entire town.  My sister and I got interested too, so we each had our own engine.  We can remember making items out of resin by pouring them into molds—all done in the garage under Dad’s supervision.  We made arrowheads and gifts for family.  Dad was not a big cook, but he was the one who did the barbequing.  On weekends he would often make pancakes; blueberry was a favorite.  When we were little, they were animal shapes.  Dad was a Boy Scout leader for years while my brother was a scout.  A large part of our garage was filled with their camping equipment.  He taught us how to fish here in Placerville and made sure that we knew how to put a worm on the hook and that we knew how to clean them.

Dad was very handy at building and fixing things.  He built us a playhouse at the back of the yard, right next to the raspberries he grew.  Dad built a large Barbie dollhouse for my sister and me which we later fixed up for our little sister; my girls later played with it.  He bought an old wooden boat, a real fixer upper.  It became his fishing boat plus he sometimes took us waterskiing on it.  After we all left home, he began building whirligigs and my family were recipients of several of these.  When they needed repair, he would take care of it when they came to visit.  My older daughter remembers his quiet concentration while he painted them.  When he was no longer making whirligigs, I bought him a couple.

Dad was the kind of guy who would give you the shirt off his back.  He would do just about anything for his family.  When my husband and I went on our first real date, we drove up from Menlo Park to San Francisco with our bikes and took the ferry to Angel Island.  When it came time to return to the ferry, my date realized that he had lost his car key.  We returned to our car and found a phone nearby, but he couldn’t reach his neighbors who could help him.  So, I called my dad for help and, of course, he said yes.  He drove from El Cerrito across the Bay Bridge to the vicinity of Fisherman’s Wharf.  He drove my date down to his house to get a key and then back to San Francisco.  That was the first time they met.  That was my dad.

Not only was he a great dad but he was also a loving grandpa.  My older daughter remembers him as a quiet, still presence which had an impact on her as a child.  She could sit and talk to him, and he listened; he never treated her like a child.  He was often the calm in the middle of a storm.

Our dad was a shining example of how to be a good person.  We miss him but he will be forever in our hearts.


Monday, July 11, 2022

Finding Peace at the River

Once again, I am sitting next to the Salmon River in my favorite campground.  It has been two years since we’ve been here.  Last year the campground was full; today it is nearly empty.  I have seen more people floating by on the river than I have seen on the shore.

While sitting here in prayer, a favorite song popped into my head.  It begins “Peace I ask of thee oh river, peace, peace, peace. . .”  Yes, that is what I am seeking—peace.  It seems like everything is in turmoil.  I don’t feel like elaborating except to say that I lost my dad at the end of January, and we celebrated his life just a couple weeks ago.  Perhaps I will write about that later.

Most of my sadness is from what is going on around me, in my country and in the world.  It’s a collective sadness, I think.  What affects one, affects us all.  We are all one.

Instead of dwelling on sadness, I am looking for hope, for something positive.  How do I/we move forward?

Here in the natural world, there is none of that grief.  The river washes over rocks that have been here for many years.  I hear melodious bird songs.  An osprey flew by earlier.  I see bright yellow wildflowers blooming on the other side of the river.  Dragonflies dance by.  The pine trees provide shade from the intense sunlight.  I find the sound of the river calming.

Where is God in all this?  I know that God is present in all creation.  I can feel this presence with me in the silence.  What lessons can I find here in this river that flows unceasingly?  I know that there are no easy answers, but I can find joy in the peace of this place.

Written on 7/6/22






Saturday, January 15, 2022

Where is Hope?

I have not written here since June of 2021.  Most years I have written a message of hope as the year begins, but not this year.  The words don’t come.  However, I think it is time to find the words to express what I am feeling.

I know I am not alone in how I feel.  We are closing in on two years of this pandemic.  Two years!  And here we are spiking again with another COVID variant.  We are pulling back in once more.  I have set aside my cloth masks because now they are not good enough.  We need to figure out what respirator masks to order on Amazon.  Which ones are fakes and which ones will protect us?  This week I stopped going to the YMCA—again—because I no longer feel safe there.  But how will I get sufficient exercise at home in the middle of winter?  How much will my health suffer?

How do I find hope as we begin this new year?  I am angry!  My husband and I, my family, and many of the people I know have done everything we can to protect ourselves and to stop the spread of this virus in our community.  We have been vaccinated, gotten our boosters, and wear masks when we are close to others.  Meanwhile, a large number of our fellow citizens scoff at science and act like we’re not in a pandemic.  These unvaccinated people spread the virus and fill up the ICUs in our hospitals.  Last fall, Idaho hospitals were under crisis standards of care, and it looks like that will happen again soon.  These people scream about their rights when asked to simply wear a mask (something children easily do).  They spread disinformation about the vaccines.  My rights!!  Me, me, me!  What about the rest of us?  Our rights?  Our lives?  Some of these same people spread lies and disinformation about politics.  I worry about our country.  We are so divided.  Will our democracy even survive?

Recently, my church women’s circle met on Zoom.  We were asked what our plans are for this year.  Plans?  We didn’t have much to share.  How do you make plans right now?  If you do, you have to be prepared to cancel or postpone them.  It is so frustrating.  We had planned to do some travel these past couple of years, but COVID changed that.  Will we get a vacation this year?  I don’t know.  As I write, I know I am speaking as a person of privilege.  I am retired and I have a comfortable home to live in for which I am truly grateful.  But things didn’t have to be this way.

This past year has not been a total loss.  The best times were with my family.  My little granddaughter is growing and adorable.  I love watching her on FaceTime.  My grandson started kindergarten and is trying new things.  Today on FaceTime I got to see what he learned at his Irish dance class.  After a year delay, my younger daughter finally got married.  The ceremony was outside in a lovely setting.  Tears came as I watched them speak the vows that they wrote to each other—such tender love.   Their wedding day was beautiful and nearly perfect.

As this year is beginning, I am trying to figure out how to move forward.  It is hard to plan anything or to even get people to answer emails or phone calls.  I have leadership roles in a number of things, and I don’t know what to do.  How do I lead in a positive manner when I don’t feel positive?  How do I move forward in my own life when everything is topsy turvy?  Like many others, I am tired of Zoom, and I want to meet face to face.  I am an extrovert, and a computer screen doesn’t cut it.  You can’t hug a screen.

At this point in a blog, I would normally end on a positive note, with hope.  To be honest, I can’t do that right now and I don’t think that’s a bad thing.  I can no longer hide my feelings.  I must admit I’m depressed.  I need to acknowledge and sort through my feelings.  I am leaning into my faith which is where I find strength.  I want to get to hope, but I know it will take time.


Monday, June 21, 2021

Finding Peace


This morning I settled on my deck for reflection and prayer

The sky was blue, and the heat had not yet arrived

I came looking for peace for my spirit

I did not find quiet

Squirrels played noisily, running through the trees

Sounds of workmen spilled out the window

Bird song continuously rang through the air

Sirens sounded in the distance

An airplane flew overhead

The wind blew through the trees

I sat with my head bowed, open

After a while I looked up

Branches stretched out above me, reaching

The birds’ music boosted my spirit

I found the peace I sought

Warm, gentle, love

And tears slowly ran down my cheeks




Thursday, April 29, 2021

Hope Is in the Air

The leaves on the trees are budding out and flowers are blooming.  The weather is getting warmer.  Spring in in the air—and there is hope.  Although we are still in a pandemic after more than a year, we are beginning to turn the corner.  Millions of people have been vaccinated in this country and more are being vaccinated each day.  The number of new cases and the number of deaths is dropping.  We are moving in the right direction.

My husband was vaccinated while I was in North Carolina.  I was lucky to be able to get vaccinated while I was visiting there.  We both were fully vaccinated over a month ago.  I thought we would rush out right away and return to normal activities, but it hasn’t happened that way.  It has been a gradual process.

My husband, the family grocery shopper, started to do in-person grocery shopping soon after being vaccinated.  It is nice to be able to see what you are buying and to have more choices.  Next, we returned to the YMCA for regular exercise.  They have one-way routes, masks required when not on machines, and some equipment blocked off.  Wow, I am out of shape.  I was excited to return to the zoo as a volunteer.  It was great to be able to walk into a store (masked) and be able to choose a birthday gift for my mom.  Just a couple of days ago we decided it was time to step inside a restaurant.  I was tired and I wanted to be served dinner.  We chose the closest restaurant which was fairly empty.  It was great to eat out!

We decided to return to our square dance club even though we had heard that most weren’t wearing masks.  When we arrived the place was packed, mostly with visitors, and only one other couple was wearing masks.  Considering the close contact dancers have, this was not a good situation.  Later, we decided that we would not return until fall.  I told one of the officers that we are both science majors and we follow CDC guidelines.

Speaking of the CDC, they announced yesterday that vaccinated people no longer must wear masks or socially distance if they are outside, unless there is a large group of people.  This was welcome news!

I realize that I have become accustomed to staying at home and sitting a lot.  Going out just once or twice a day is exhausting.  I am trying to ease myself back into activities.  Many things are still closed—our church, for example.  I am still attending lots of Zoom meetings and classes.

Moving back to some sort of normal will be a slow process.  We cannot hurry but must be patient.  More people need to be vaccinated so we can reach herd immunity.  We should take time to enjoy the spring flowers.  Baby steps!


Tuesday, March 30, 2021

Grandma’s Visit

After 3 weeks of looking at tiny photos sent via text, I finally got to meet her.  My grandson was watching through the window for her arrival.  He ran to the front door to open it for his parents who were carrying a car seat holding his new baby sister.  He was so excited and touched her tenderly.  His mommy sat next to him on the couch and his daddy put baby sister on his lap.  Such joy!

Next it was my turn to hold my granddaughter.  She may have been 6 weeks early, but she looked absolutely perfect—from her button nose to her tiny toes.  As I gazed down at her, she looked up at me.  I fell in love.  Babies are such miracles.

The next three weeks were a bit of a blur.  I spent many hours on the couch holding baby and often feeding her.  Preemies are not easy.  They sleep a lot.  My little granddaughter was constantly nodding off while feeding so we developed methods to wake her up.  Breast milk alone does not contain enough calories for a preemie, so she needed to be supplemented with formula.  My daughter had to do a lot of pumping along with breastfeeding.

During this time, we were all tired, especially mom and dad.  Initially there were weekly visits to the pediatrician to check baby’s weight.  He was happy with her progress.  There were issues with gas and reflux which complicated her care.  My daughter struggled with her own recovery from her C-section and ended up back in the hospital on her baby’s one month birthday.  This was especially hard on my grandson who worried his mom wouldn’t come home.

I spent a lot of time with my sweet, energetic grandson.  Every morning I fixed him breakfast.  We watched movies, played games, read stories, baked cookies, went for walks, and more.  He had been pulled from daycare/preschool because of COVID cases among the staff.  He missed his friends.  I tried to keep him busy.

One of the benefits of being there at that time was that I got to celebrate my daughter’s 36th birthday with her, the first time since she was 18 years old.  I watched my grandson make a couple of gifts for his mommy with just a little bit of help from me.  He was so excited to give them to her.  I made her a birthday cake.  My younger daughter and her fiancé joined us for the celebration.  A video call connected my husband to the party.  It was wonderful to be together.

I must admit that I was tired, and I had little time for myself, so it wasn’t easy.  My daughter was so grateful for my help and we had a lot of opportunity to talk.  I returned with photos of lots of sweet memories.

What will I remember the most?  I can picture my granddaughter’s face as I held her, and she drank her bottle.  I would put her on my shoulder, and she would lift her head and look at me before falling asleep.  Every morning my grandson would come into my room to say good morning with a big smile.  I loved my conversations with him.  I loved simply hanging out and talking with my daughters.

I have been home a few weeks and I am slowly returning to some sort of normal.  It is good to be with my husband, cats, and dog, but I miss the rest of our family.  We keep in touch via phone and Facebook.  I will always treasure these special weeks as a live-in grandma.








Sunday, February 07, 2021

An Early Arrival

Tonight, I’m sitting in my hotel room in Durham, North Carolina, my sixth night here.  I flew across the country—in the middle of a pandemic.  I had an entire row to myself, everyone was masked, and the airline was careful.  The airports were amazingly empty.  I felt comfortable.  Yesterday I did a COVID test.  It was negative so tomorrow I’ll check out and finally be with my family.

Why did I go through this?  My older daughter needs my help.  A month ago, I made my reservations thinking I would be here before the birth of my granddaughter.  She was scheduled to be delivered via C-section on March 1 but for several reasons my daughter was sure she would come early.  We planned accordingly but she surprised us.  My daughter’s water broke at 34 weeks—6 weeks early.  Her daughter ended up in neonatal intensive care in respiratory distress.

This was so hard on my daughter.  After holding her newborn for a short time, she was whisked away and my daughter was taken to her room.  She had to wait hours until the numbness in her legs went away so she could transfer to a wheelchair to go to NICU to see her baby.  All she could do when she finally got there was stick her hand through the opening in the isolette and squeeze her baby's tiny hand.  Her daughter was connected to multiple wires and tubes.  The next day was difficult.  The staff decided to give the baby a surfactant to help her lungs function.  To do this they had to intubate her and connect her to a ventilator.  This required both a sedative and a paralytic.  This was too much for my daughter.  I heard lots of tear over the phone.

Luckily, the procedure worked and her lungs are fully functional.  Five days later she was removed from both the oxygen and the cpap machine.  She was able to start nursing and drink from a bottle.  A couple days later she was moved from the isolette to a bassinette because she was able to regulate her body temperature.  My little granddaughter, almost 2 weeks old, is gradually getting stronger and gaining weight.  The nurses say she is feisty.

My daughter is struggling through this.  It was painful for her to go home without her baby.  She and her husband have gone to the hospital every day, dropping their son off at his aunt’s house.  They are all tired, especially my daughter who is also trying to heal from surgery.

In the morning I will pack up and check out.  I am looking forward to being with my family—without masks.  I will help with cooking, cleaning, and entertaining my grandson.  Together we will wait for the homecoming of our precious new family member.





Saturday, January 23, 2021

A New Beginning

Today is a new beginning

The first day of a new year

A divisive, hate-filled President has left

In his place stands someone we can trust

A compassionate, caring man with experience

At his side as Vice-President is a woman

A first in this country, a woman VP

Who is also the first black and Asian VP

I started to cry when she took the oath

As did so many other women

Little girls declared “she looks like me”

Lady Gaga and J.Lo sang, Garth Brooks too

But it was a young black woman

Who stole the show with her poem

COVID and security made for a small crowd

But three ex-presidents were present 

I sat in my nightclothes for hours

Unable to move from the spectacle

Normalcy is returning to our country

Perhaps decency and respect will too

We demonstrated a peaceful transition of power

I feel like I can breathe again, sleep again

There is so much work to do

How do we heal the wounds?

Our new President speaks of unity

Is that realistic or a dream?

I want to be proud of my country again

I want a country of equal opportunity

A country that is once again respected

By people all over the world

A country where all religions are honored

A country where children are safe in school

Where people love their neighbors as themselves

 

Today I pray for President Joseph R. Biden

And Vice President Kamala Harris

I pray for their wisdom, courage, and success

For their success is our success

God bless America

 

Written on 1/20/21






Written on 1/20/21


Thursday, January 14, 2021

A Cancelled Prayer Vigil

Today was to be our first prayer vigil of the 2021 Idaho Legislative session. . . and the beginning of the 8th year of these vigils.  It was a sunny, cold day.  The promised rain never materialized.  The noon hour came and went but we weren’t there in our usual place on the Capitol steps.

On Monday, the Idaho Legislature convened and the Governor gave his address.  There were protesters, the same group that forced their way into the House chambers and broke a window during a special summer session.  As usual, they were mostly unmasked and some were carrying guns.   Their protest?  Our Republican governor put minimal restrictions on our state to slow the coronavirus.  They were in the halls and also in front of the Capitol.

A friend told me she wasn’t coming to the prayer vigil for fear of being harassed.  I doubted that they would return while we were there.  And then a couple other women said they were worried about safety.  After the insurrection at our nation’s capitol, the FBI is warning about violence at all 50 state capitols in the days leading up to the inauguration.  But Idaho?  I looked online for more specific information.  Finding none, I contacted someone who has connections with law enforcement at our capitol.  She contacted the community safety coalition of which she is a part to ask for advice.  Their response: Stay home!  It is not safe to be at the capitol during the next 7 days and maybe longer.  So I cancelled today’s prayer vigil and the one planned for next week.

What has our nation become?  We sit at home, afraid to go out.  Afraid of this virus that is ravaging our country and the world.  Afraid of the right wing fanatics who are running around with guns screaming profanities and “Trump!”  And of course they won’t wear masks.  Our democracy was shaken last week.  Rioters desecrated the seat of our government.  Five people died.  They threatened our leaders and some might have been killed if they had been found.  After these insurrectionists were removed, a large number of Republicans still raised objections during the counting of the electoral votes.  These objections to a demonstrably fair election, based solely on the lies of the President, were another attempt to overthrow an election and our government.  Where does this lead us?

Today the U.S. House of Representatives voted to impeach President Donald J. Trump for the second time, a first in our history.  It is uncertain what will happen next.  More information is coming out about the insurrection each day.  Arrests are being made.  We just have to wait and see.

There are large numbers of Americans who have been living in a fantasy of the President’s making, with the help of his enablers.  They actually believe the election was stolen from Trump when it is he who is trying to overthrow a legitimate election.  They will only believe him, the con artist from New York.  These people apparently want an authoritarian government.

We hope that changes will come with a new president, but he has a huge mess to clean up.  How do we unite when people are living with different realities?  There is so much anger and hate coming from Trump voters.  How do we build trust between people?  I’m afraid it will take a long time.

Our prayer vigils will begin as soon as it is safe.  We have a lot to pray about.


Written on 1/13/2021


Thursday, December 31, 2020

2020 Haiku

 

A year of chaos

Plague, fires, storms, floods, unrest, greed

Bye 2020






Idaho Empty Nester