Chronic Pain Patient

I am sitting on my deck looking out at my yard, feeling pleasantly tired and relaxed.  I did a couple hours of weeding, cleaning up, and watering.  Now I need to sit.  The sun is low in the sky and I’m beginning to feel the chill that comes with a late summer evening.

This morning I had a physical therapy session with a woman who claims to have a sixth sense about bodies.  She does.  My regular physical therapist, the owner of the clinic, brings this woman in from another state every 6 weeks or so.  I always feel so much better when I walk out.  I think part of my tiredness right now is my body adjusting to her treatment.

Last week during my biweekly physical therapy session, my therapist and I were discussing what will happen when I qualify for Medicare.  She referred to me as one of her chronic pain patients.  Oh.  I just hadn’t thought of myself like that.  I know people who are much worse off than me.  I do deal with a certain level of discomfort or pain daily.  It is my baseline, my normal.

I get regular physical therapy to help me with my scoliosis (curvature of the spine) plus all the problems it causes and my arthritis.  I take medications also.  I exercise regularly.  The exercise is essential for me to be able to keep moving.  I am a person who prefers to be on the go.  I like to be active.

I am also someone who lives in the present.  My body is now causing me to think a bit more into the future.  I have to sit and rest periodically even if I would prefer to keep going.  It pains me to accept that there are some things I will never do again, like backpacking.  I am pushing to improve my yard and make it easier to care for.  My husband and I are beginning to discuss trips we want to take with our retirement savings—before we are no longer able to do it.

I don’t think any medical person can really tell me exactly what will happen to my body in the future.  I’m not sure that I want to know.  I do know that I will not get better.  I also know I will live my life to its fullest to the best of my ability.  There are so many wonderful things to experience in our world.  How could I not?