In Limbo

It’s been a little over one month since I wrote about the pandemic.  Not much has changed. . . except that I can now order toilet paper online.  My husband and I are still mostly at home.

The country is starting to open back up although the number of new cases of coronavirus continues to increase and the death toll in the United States has passed 100,000.  In Idaho, one week ago, there were 98 new cases in just one day, a big jump.  However, that was apparently mostly in one area.  Idaho has just entered Stage 3 reopening which means nearly everything is allowed to reopen.  Churches were allowed to open in Stage 1 but it appears that not many have done so.  My church is doing prerecorded services online, as have many others.  Our bishop said that we cannot open until at least June 15.  It will probably be later than that. 

Although masks and social distancing are still recommended, many people are ignoring that and acting as if the pandemic is over.  Others, like us, are avoiding people and ordering online.  There are Zoom meetings for everything but I miss seeing people in person.  On the other hand, I am enjoying staying at home.  We have an acre so there is plenty to do.  My yard should look fantastic by the end of the season.  We have had some beautiful weather so simply sitting on the deck has been delightful.

Perhaps the most difficult thing about living in these times is that we can’t really plan ahead.  It may be another year before we have a vaccine.  This virus will be with us for a while so we will have to learn to live with it.  We will need to continue social distancing and large gatherings will be difficult.  This means that people are delaying decisions on all kinds of things.  We are living in limbo.

Waiting for Justice in Our Church

I was supposed to be in Minneapolis right now.  My pastor and I were scheduled to fly out yesterday for the 2020 General Conference of the United Methodist Church, a gathering of people from all over the world.  This was the conference that was supposed to decide the future of our global church.  Would we split or figure out how to stay together?  And now we must wait until 2021.

I had attended General Conference in 2016 as a volunteer for the Love Your Neighbor Coalition, a protester standing up for equality for LGBTQ people in our church.  (I blogged about it.)  I have been watching our church politics closely ever since then.  When my pastor asked me to go with her, I jumped at the chance.  She signed up as a conference volunteer, as clergy in the prayer room and as a greeter.  I was hoping to balance my time between serving as a conference volunteer and a volunteer with Love Your Neighbor Coalition.  Before I could sign up, the coronavirus made its appearance.

After experiencing the divisive and emotionally difficult General Conference in 2016, I knew that this conference would not be easy.  Four years ago I had been in community with people who were directly affected by the church’s injustice.  We sang together and lifted each other up.  I had hoped that delegates could find a just solution this time.  Now we wait some more.

Tonight the Reconciling Ministries Network hosted a virtual worship service, “Be Still and Know,” celebrating the strength of the reconciling movement and offering hope and healing.  Clergy participants spoke from their homes from all around the United States and even in Kenya.  The music was from a gathering that occurred 9 weeks ago, before social distancing was necessary.  We sang a lot of the same music during GC 2016 and it brought back memories of what it felt like to be in that community.  I sang along to a couple songs and choked back tears.  Four years have passed and we haven’t made the progress we had hoped for.  The service ended on a positive note.  During the final song, there were photos of the 323 congregations and communities who joined the reconciling movement since the hateful special General Conference 2019.  That gives me hope. 

The world waits for this pandemic to end.  And so the church waits too.  Waiting is hard, especially when there is no equality for LGBTQ people during the waiting.  “Be still and know that I am God.”  What does God want us to do?  I truly believe in an inclusive God, a God who loves all God’s children.  That God is the one Jesus showed to us.  What can we learn during this time of waiting?  Is it possible to end the harm and keep the church together?  Can we be an inclusive and loving church?  I’m waiting. . . but I hope it is not too much longer.