Finding Peace

This morning I settled on my deck for reflection and prayer

The sky was blue, and the heat had not yet arrived

I came looking for peace for my spirit

I did not find quiet

Squirrels played noisily, running through the trees

Sounds of workmen spilled out the window

Bird song continuously rang through the air

Sirens sounded in the distance

An airplane flew overhead

The wind blew through the trees

I sat with my head bowed, open

After a while I looked up

Branches stretched out above me, reaching

The birds’ music boosted my spirit

I found the peace I sought

Warm, gentle, love

And tears slowly ran down my cheeks

Hope Is in the Air

The leaves on the trees are budding out and flowers are blooming.  The weather is getting warmer.  Spring in in the air—and there is hope.  Although we are still in a pandemic after more than a year, we are beginning to turn the corner.  Millions of people have been vaccinated in this country and more are being vaccinated each day.  The number of new cases and the number of deaths is dropping.  We are moving in the right direction.

My husband was vaccinated while I was in North Carolina.  I was lucky to be able to get vaccinated while I was visiting there.  We both were fully vaccinated over a month ago.  I thought we would rush out right away and return to normal activities, but it hasn’t happened that way.  It has been a gradual process.

My husband, the family grocery shopper, started to do in-person grocery shopping soon after being vaccinated.  It is nice to be able to see what you are buying and to have more choices.  Next, we returned to the YMCA for regular exercise.  They have one-way routes, masks required when not on machines, and some equipment blocked off.  Wow, I am out of shape.  I was excited to return to the zoo as a volunteer.  It was great to be able to walk into a store (masked) and be able to choose a birthday gift for my mom.  Just a couple of days ago we decided it was time to step inside a restaurant.  I was tired and I wanted to be served dinner.  We chose the closest restaurant which was fairly empty.  It was great to eat out!

We decided to return to our square dance club even though we had heard that most weren’t wearing masks.  When we arrived the place was packed, mostly with visitors, and only one other couple was wearing masks.  Considering the close contact dancers have, this was not a good situation.  Later, we decided that we would not return until fall.  I told one of the officers that we are both science majors and we follow CDC guidelines.

Speaking of the CDC, they announced yesterday that vaccinated people no longer must wear masks or socially distance if they are outside, unless there is a large group of people.  This was welcome news!

I realize that I have become accustomed to staying at home and sitting a lot.  Going out just once or twice a day is exhausting.  I am trying to ease myself back into activities.  Many things are still closed—our church, for example.  I am still attending lots of Zoom meetings and classes.

Moving back to some sort of normal will be a slow process.  We cannot hurry but must be patient.  More people need to be vaccinated so we can reach herd immunity.  We should take time to enjoy the spring flowers.  Baby steps!

Grandma’s Visit

After 3 weeks of looking at tiny photos sent via text, I finally got to meet her.  My grandson was watching through the window for her arrival.  He ran to the front door to open it for his parents who were carrying a car seat holding his new baby sister.  He was so excited and touched her tenderly.  His mommy sat next to him on the couch and his daddy put baby sister on his lap.  Such joy!

Next it was my turn to hold my granddaughter.  She may have been 6 weeks early, but she looked absolutely perfect—from her button nose to her tiny toes.  As I gazed down at her, she looked up at me.  I fell in love.  Babies are such miracles.

The next three weeks were a bit of a blur.  I spent many hours on the couch holding baby and often feeding her.  Preemies are not easy.  They sleep a lot.  My little granddaughter was constantly nodding off while feeding so we developed methods to wake her up.  Breast milk alone does not contain enough calories for a preemie, so she needed to be supplemented with formula.  My daughter had to do a lot of pumping along with breastfeeding.

During this time, we were all tired, especially mom and dad.  Initially there were weekly visits to the pediatrician to check baby’s weight.  He was happy with her progress.  There were issues with gas and reflux which complicated her care.  My daughter struggled with her own recovery from her C-section and ended up back in the hospital on her baby’s one month birthday.  This was especially hard on my grandson who worried his mom wouldn’t come home.

I spent a lot of time with my sweet, energetic grandson.  Every morning I fixed him breakfast.  We watched movies, played games, read stories, baked cookies, went for walks, and more.  He had been pulled from daycare/preschool because of COVID cases among the staff.  He missed his friends.  I tried to keep him busy.

One of the benefits of being there at that time was that I got to celebrate my daughter’s 36^th birthday with her, the first time since she was 18 years old.  I watched my grandson make a couple of gifts for his mommy with just a little bit of help from me.  He was so excited to give them to her.  I made her a birthday cake.  My younger daughter and her fiancé joined us for the celebration.  A video call connected my husband to the party.  It was wonderful to be together.

I must admit that I was tired, and I had little time for myself, so it wasn’t easy.  My daughter was so grateful for my help and we had a lot of opportunity to talk.  I returned with photos of lots of sweet memories.

What will I remember the most?  I can picture my granddaughter’s face as I held her, and she drank her bottle.  I would put her on my shoulder, and she would lift her head and look at me before falling asleep.  Every morning my grandson would come into my room to say good morning with a big smile.  I loved my conversations with him.  I loved simply hanging out and talking with my daughters.

I have been home a few weeks and I am slowly returning to some sort of normal.  It is good to be with my husband, cats, and dog, but I miss the rest of our family.  We keep in touch via phone and Facebook.  I will always treasure these special weeks as a live-in grandma.

An Early Arrival

Tonight, I’m sitting in my hotel room in Durham, North Carolina, my sixth night here.  I flew across the country—in the middle of a pandemic.  I had an entire row to myself, everyone was masked, and the airline was careful.  The airports were amazingly empty.  I felt comfortable.  Yesterday I did a COVID test.  It was negative so tomorrow I’ll check out and finally be with my family.

Why did I go through this?  My older daughter needs my help.  A month ago, I made my reservations thinking I would be here before the birth of my granddaughter.  She was scheduled to be delivered via C-section on March 1 but for several reasons my daughter was sure she would come early.  We planned accordingly but she surprised us.  My daughter’s water broke at 34 weeks—6 weeks early.  Her daughter ended up in neonatal intensive care in respiratory distress.

This was so hard on my daughter.  After holding her newborn for a short time, she was whisked away and my daughter was taken to her room.  She had to wait hours until the numbness in her legs went away so she could transfer to a wheelchair to go to NICU to see her baby.  All she could do when she finally got there was stick her hand through the opening in the isolette and squeeze her baby's tiny hand.  Her daughter was connected to multiple wires and tubes.  The next day was difficult.  The staff decided to give the baby a surfactant to help her lungs function.  To do this they had to intubate her and connect her to a ventilator.  This required both a sedative and a paralytic.  This was too much for my daughter.  I heard lots of tear over the phone.

Luckily, the procedure worked and her lungs are fully functional.  Five days later she was removed from both the oxygen and the cpap machine.  She was able to start nursing and drink from a bottle.  A couple days later she was moved from the isolette to a bassinette because she was able to regulate her body temperature.  My little granddaughter, almost 2 weeks old, is gradually getting stronger and gaining weight.  The nurses say she is feisty.

My daughter is struggling through this.  It was painful for her to go home without her baby.  She and her husband have gone to the hospital every day, dropping their son off at his aunt’s house.  They are all tired, especially my daughter who is also trying to heal from surgery.

In the morning I will pack up and check out.  I am looking forward to being with my family—without masks.  I will help with cooking, cleaning, and entertaining my grandson.  Together we will wait for the homecoming of our precious new family member.

A New Beginning

Today is a new beginning

The first day of a new year

A divisive, hate-filled President has left

In his place stands someone we can trust

A compassionate, caring man with experience

At his side as Vice-President is a woman

A first in this country, a woman VP

Who is also the first black and Asian VP

I started to cry when she took the oath

As did so many other women

Little girls declared “she looks like me”

Lady Gaga and J.Lo sang, Garth Brooks too

But it was a young black woman

Who stole the show with her poem

COVID and security made for a small crowd

But three ex-presidents were present 

I sat in my nightclothes for hours

Unable to move from the spectacle

Normalcy is returning to our country

Perhaps decency and respect will too

We demonstrated a peaceful transition of power

I feel like I can breathe again, sleep again

There is so much work to do

How do we heal the wounds?

Our new President speaks of unity

Is that realistic or a dream?

I want to be proud of my country again

I want a country of equal opportunity

A country that is once again respected

By people all over the world

A country where all religions are honored

A country where children are safe in school

Where people love their neighbors as themselves

 

Today I pray for President Joseph R. Biden

And Vice President Kamala Harris

I pray for their wisdom, courage, and success

For their success is our success

God bless America

 

Written on 1/20/21

Written on 1/20/21

A Cancelled Prayer Vigil

Today was to be our first prayer vigil of the 2021 Idaho Legislative session. . . and the beginning of the 8^th year of these vigils.  It was a sunny, cold day.  The promised rain never materialized.  The noon hour came and went but we weren’t there in our usual place on the Capitol steps.

On Monday, the Idaho Legislature convened and the Governor gave his address.  There were protesters, the same group that forced their way into the House chambers and broke a window during a special summer session.  As usual, they were mostly unmasked and some were carrying guns.   Their protest?  Our Republican governor put minimal restrictions on our state to slow the coronavirus.  They were in the halls and also in front of the Capitol.

A friend told me she wasn’t coming to the prayer vigil for fear of being harassed.  I doubted that they would return while we were there.  And then a couple other women said they were worried about safety.  After the insurrection at our nation’s capitol, the FBI is warning about violence at all 50 state capitols in the days leading up to the inauguration.  But Idaho?  I looked online for more specific information.  Finding none, I contacted someone who has connections with law enforcement at our capitol.  She contacted the community safety coalition of which she is a part to ask for advice.  Their response: Stay home!  It is not safe to be at the capitol during the next 7 days and maybe longer.  So I cancelled today’s prayer vigil and the one planned for next week.

What has our nation become?  We sit at home, afraid to go out.  Afraid of this virus that is ravaging our country and the world.  Afraid of the right wing fanatics who are running around with guns screaming profanities and “Trump!”  And of course they won’t wear masks.  Our democracy was shaken last week.  Rioters desecrated the seat of our government.  Five people died.  They threatened our leaders and some might have been killed if they had been found.  After these insurrectionists were removed, a large number of Republicans still raised objections during the counting of the electoral votes.  These objections to a demonstrably fair election, based solely on the lies of the President, were another attempt to overthrow an election and our government.  Where does this lead us?

Today the U.S. House of Representatives voted to impeach President Donald J. Trump for the second time, a first in our history.  It is uncertain what will happen next.  More information is coming out about the insurrection each day.  Arrests are being made.  We just have to wait and see.

There are large numbers of Americans who have been living in a fantasy of the President’s making, with the help of his enablers.  They actually believe the election was stolen from Trump when it is he who is trying to overthrow a legitimate election.  They will only believe him, the con artist from New York.  These people apparently want an authoritarian government.

We hope that changes will come with a new president, but he has a huge mess to clean up.  How do we unite when people are living with different realities?  There is so much anger and hate coming from Trump voters.  How do we build trust between people?  I’m afraid it will take a long time.

Our prayer vigils will begin as soon as it is safe.  We have a lot to pray about.

Written on 1/13/2021