Get Off the River

I am on the river

Moving downstream

I quickly pass the shores

Unaware of what is there

It’s hard to get off the river

But when I find a good spot

I paddle over and step off

I sit quietly and watch

The river goes on without me

And I am left with my thoughts

I pick up a pen and draw

That which I missed before

I feel the life around me

I listen to the river

And the wind in the trees

I am content and at peace

Written on 7/21/2017

A New Campground

We escaped the heat of Boise yesterday.  Right now I am sitting on the bank of the Salmon River.  Our favorite campground is closed so we found a campsite at the Casino Creek campground.  We were lucky to get this spot.  We were delayed on the highway coming up because of a head-on collision.  All of the campgrounds we checked out were already full—they are very popular.  We chose campsite #1 at Casino Creek.  Our nearest neighbor is not very close so the only noise is the sound of the river and, unfortunately, a steady stream of traffic on Highway 75 across the river from us.

There are so many things to appreciate.  Last night I gazed up at the myriad of stars twinkling in the clear dark sky.  It never ceases to amaze me.  This morning an osprey dived into the river and came out with a fish in its beak.  Sometime later we spotted a beautiful western tanager, bright orange and yellow, fluttering around our campsite.  At this moment I am enjoying the numerous bright yellow flowers on the potentilla bushes.  Closer to the river I spot one lone pink flower in a sea of yellow.  The river is so peaceful, I find I can tune out the noise of the cars.

What’s next today?  Time to find out!

Written on 7/20/2017

We Must Learn to Walk in the Dark

A few days ago I finished reading Learning to Walk in the Dark by Barbara Brown Taylor.  I can see why it was on the New York Times Bestseller list.  Taylor did a lot of research for her book—from sitting in a cave in absolute darkness to rereading scriptures to see how often God shows up at night.  She writes about both literal darkness and metaphysical darkness.  “. . . I have learned things in the dark that I could never have learned in the light, things that have saved my life over and over again, so that there is really only one logical conclusion.  I need darkness as much as I need light.”

This book made me think.  How do I feel about darkness?  What do I fear?  I know that I had some fear as a child; there were always night lights for us.  I’m sure I was afraid of the monster that might jump out of the closet but my parents always made us feel safe and protected.  And now?  When I am out in the dark alone my biggest fear is people with bad intentions.  At home we have nightlights because we don’t want to bump into something.  At times I enjoy being outside at night.  When I’m camping I love to look at the stars and walk in the moonlight.  During the hot days we’ve been having I love to walk out into my yard in the cooler temperatures; my garden looks so different in the dark.  What darkness do I fear in my life?  That’s simple.  I fear losing someone I love.  I do not have much experience with death.

Of course, I cannot ignore the darkness most of us see in our country right now.  Nearly everything we cherish is now threatened.  Our fears are real.  Could I end up without healthcare?  Will someone I love be deported?  I fear the hate and violence that occur on a daily basis.  Will we end up in a nuclear war?  We feel helpless.  What can we do to stop this train wreck?  We have lost control.  Taylor says that we “do not easily relinquish our control over how dark or bright it is, either in our houses or in our souls.”

This seemed like the perfect time to pick up this book that I had sitting on my shelf.  I believe we need to learn to “walk in the dark” both individually and collectively.  How do we do this?

It is natural to be afraid of the dark.  However we should remember that God is always with us—it was God’s promise to his children.  It will do no good to stay home with our doors locked and our lights on.  We must venture out the front door of our homes, our churches, synagogues, mosques, and temples—out into the dark.  We can hold each other’s hands.

Yes, it can be dangerous out there.  We could get hurt.  However, we have each other for support.  As we spend more time in the dark, our eyes adjust.  We do not stumble as much.  We will learn to manage our fear of darkness, developing courage.

In her book, Taylor told an interesting story about a blind French resistance fighter who wrote “I had completely lost the sight of my eyes; I could not see the light of the world anymore.  Yet the light was still there.”  He went on to say “The source of light is not in the outer world.  We believe that it is only because of a common delusion.  The light dwells where life also dwells: within ourselves.”

For me this light he describes is the little spark of God we all carry within.  We may not be aware of it, but it is always there.  When it is dark, we need this light more than ever.  We can reflect this light, the love that is God, to all around us.  Let’s step out into the darkness together and change our world.  Let’s make our country a better place for everyone to live.

Feline Independence

Slowly she stretched out her legs

Reaching for the last of the sun’s rays

She wound herself around a chair leg

Then bounded off, jumping at a spot on the wall

Slowly and quietly she stepped through the grass

Her body moved with a rhythm

That declared her independence

Despite this I approached her carefully

I reached down to scratch her head and she purred

Realizing that she needed me as much as I need her

Written on 5/29/2017, the last of the writing assignments that I will share here.

Mountain Top Explorations

Your boot-clad feet kick up the trail dust

I follow close behind, matching your pace

Wildflowers border the trail like a colorful carpet

We climb higher, I breathe hard and my feet grow heavy

As we round a bend you stop suddenly

We gaze in awe at the spectacle before us

A snow-capped mountain and a lake shining like a jewel

You take my hand and we sit on a log to rest

Our eyes meet and I see the joy and love

We move closer, our lips touch, and I hold my breath

It seems that we have become one with all around us

Written on 5/7/2017 as part of another writing exercise

Awakening

I have always been ready to move on

To move to the next thing

I realize that I miss other things

There is so much in the world to experience

But our time here is limited

And my aging body slows me down

I need to understand the rhythm that is me

We are all connected through the love that is God

I will look others in the eye and take their hands

Stop, listen, and create from what I learn

 Written on 4/30/17 as part of a writing assignment in a devotion book I have been using.

What Would Jesus Do?

It is hard to read

Their words cut like knives

Health care is not a right

If you’re sick or older

Pay more for your care

Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!

You cannot afford it?

Nobody dies from lack of care

Wait unit you’re really sick

Then go to the ER

They can’t turn you away

You can die there

And yet these same people

Good Christians that they are

Fight hard for their religious freedom

Their right to discriminate

Against anyone who is different

They say it’s God’s will

What would Jesus do?

Would he recognize these Christians?

Perhaps he’d call them Pharisees

Where is the love that Jesus displayed?

Jesus hung out with society’s unwanted

Tax collectors, prostitutes, lepers

He healed the sick, even on the Sabbath

Jesus showed us what love looks like

He cared for the poor and chastised the rich

This carpenter’s son was a rebel in his day

Jesus challenged the authorities

And showed us how to live with others

We must fight for God’s Kingdom

Resist!

We Are Easter People

Holy Week was difficult in many ways.  It was rainy and I hurt.  My dear sweet giraffe friend, Julius Longfellow, suddenly was gone.  My little Sadie cat has taken a turn for the worse.  And then there are all the dark things happening in our country and the world, even fears of a nuclear attack by North Korea.  It was so easy to feel the despair of Good Friday.

On Easter morning I was ready for sudden joy and brightness during our service.  The sun was shining although the air was cool.  People were dressed up.  The children made me smile during the children’s time—and there were so many of them.  But that great joy that would blot out the darkness just wasn’t there.  The Easter flowers were beautiful, but. . .

I realized that everything wasn’t suddenly wonderful for the disciples either.  The women learned the good news first and they were the ones who told the disciples.  It took a while for them to comprehend what the resurrection meant for them.  However, they learned what they were meant to do and they changed the world.  But they did this at great cost to themselves.

What is Easter really about?  I think it is about hope.  It’s about God’s love for us.  God took something horrible and turned it into something joyous.  We are living in dark times and people are full of fear.  God is still here, continuing to love us.  There is hope.  We need to step forward, just like the disciples after the resurrection, and follow Jesus.  Hope and love abound.  We need to look for it in each other.  We are the Easter people and together we can change the world.

Written on 4/18/17

Human Barometer

Dark clouds fill the sky

The rain will come soon now

My body knows this

I woke up in pain

A human barometer

Every joint hurts

I wish it would rain

I wait for the sun’s return

And more pleasant days

This was written in my journal and I decided to doodle (Zentangle) on that page.  A photo is below

Storm Clouds

A storm is brewing

Wind whips through trees

Reminding me of faraway troubles

Yesterday 59 bombs fell on Syria

Bombs from U.S. ships

In retaliation for horrible chemicals

Weapons used by Syria’s leaders

On their own people—men, women,

And helpless little children

Why?

My heart aches with all of this

Where will it all end?

Violence begets violence

And the innocent suffer

Can we not see the connection?

The connection between us all?

That connection that is love?

The love that is God?

This was written in a journal on April 7, 2017 along with a little artwork.  The photo is of the journal page.

Made to Create

God is Creator

I am made in God’s image

So I create too

I am so busy

My mind is a carousel

Spinning round and round

I take time for me

As a new Lenten practice

I yearn to create

I pick up my pen

And a white square of paper

I begin to draw

Time has no meaning

The lines and shapes flow from my pen

My mind is focused

I add color next

It adds a new dimension

I am enchanted

I admire my work

Put away pens and pencils

My mind is so clear

The fog has left me

There’s energy in my step

I need to create

Spring is Coming!

It’s been a long winter. . . in many ways.  When we left Florida in early January it was 85 degrees.  We arrived back in Boise in the middle of a snowstorm.  There was over a foot of snow on the ground.  The taxi got stuck in our driveway and my husband had to help the driver dig out.  The snow continued to fall and the temperature dropped to 0 degrees.  That meant the snow stuck around.  We hired a couple of teenage boys to shovel out our front driveway so we would have one car to drive.  After another week or so we hired a guy with a snow plow attachment to plow out the back driveway; I needed our van.  We ended up with a wall of snow—it looked like a snow fort.

Boise is supposed to be the banana belt of Idaho.  We don’t usually get that much snow.  The last record was in 1983-84, our first Idaho winter.  (People had told us that the snow all melts off by noon in Boise.)  The snow stayed on the ground for a while but we did not have this much snow at one time.  I went out as needed.  I learned to drive in the icy ruts in our driveway and subdivision.  The main roads weren’t bad.  As the snow packed down, it became ice.  I slid around our cars instead of walking.  One day while parked downtown my shin slid into the metal at the bottom of the driver’s door—my bone bruise is still healing.

I attended events, meetings, and trainings downtown, including at the Capitol.  We began our weekly prayer vigils but shortened them to a half hour because it was so cold.  I always take photos and post them.  One Wednesday I wondered how wise it was to post that day’s photos—I might scare people away.  Everybody looked absolutely miserable.

We went days without seeing the sun.  In January I was still recovering from my surgery so my energy level was low.  So was my mood.  Every new snow fall brought groans.  I bought insulated snow boots.  I ordered cleats to attach to my shoes so I could walk on the ice.  It began to rain so we ended up with a slushy mix of snow, water, and ice.

And then it began to get warmer.  The snow and ice gradually started to disappear.  The rivers began to rise, flooding some areas.  There is no longer any snow or ice nearby.  I do think spring is on its way.  People here are more than ready after our record winter.  I have seen crocuses popping up around town and small green leaves are budding out on a bush by our front walkway.

The sun was shining when I awoke this morning.  A weekend trip had been cancelled so I had the whole day ahead of me.  I was on a mission to sort, organize, and clean the mess of our table.  Plans formed in my head for the next home projects.  The creative part of me stirred and wondered what to do.  (Tonight I am writing.)  I looked at my messy craft table and realized I have to clean that up next.  My sluggish winter brain and body are coming back to life.  What can I create next?  The world awakens in spring and new possibilities emerge.

Written on 3/11/2017

Shock and Awe

My head spins

I can’t keep track

What will he do next?

Tweets in the night

Executive orders by day

Outrage after outrage

Shock and awe

Defund Obamacare

Repeal ASAP

Replacement will be great!

No plans yet

Patients begin to panic

Wait! It will be great!

Keystone and Dakota

Build those pipelines!

Sacred ground? Clean water?

Global Gag Rule

Don’t say abortion

Poor women, deal with it

Shock and awe

Refugee programs suspended

Muslims blocked from U.S.

Don’t want any terrorists

Syrian children with haunted eyes

Refugees stuck at airports

Sanctuary cities defunded

Shock and Awe

Protest here, protest there

Attend a hearing tomorrow

Organize and post on social media

We’re all so tired already

But that’s the point, isn’t it?

Distraction.  What else is he doing?

Shock and awe—Resist!

Light a Candle

As I sit here our new president is being sworn into office.  I cannot watch.  It is too painful.  My stomach is in knots and my heart hurts.  This is a dark day in American history.  I am sitting in my room next to a small table.  On it are several crosses, some rocks and glass stones, a white stone with the word “justice” and three small candles, all lit.  My favorite candle is the heart-shaped one in the middle.  I am focusing on the light.

Donald Trump is now our president.  That is difficult to accept but there is nothing I can do about it.  I refuse to focus on this man and the damage I fear he will do to the country I love.  Instead I will concentrate on what I can do.

The one—and only—positive thing I see coming from this new president is the mobilization of progressive Americans.  For example, here in Idaho Planned Parenthood began receiving a flood of donations and new volunteers the day after the election.  Our Idaho Democratic Party, which is small, also has a lot of volunteers.  Groups of concerned citizens are forming to stand up and fight for what they value.  This is happening all over the country.  Tomorrow, thousands and thousands of women, and the men who love them, will march in Washington, D.C. to state that women’s rights are human rights.  There are hundreds of sister marches all over the country.  Here in Boise our march was organized by two high school girls.  This gives me hope.

What will I do?

Tomorrow I will walk with other Idaho citizens in the Women’s March on Idaho from the Idaho State Capitol to Boise City Hall.  I will continue to participate in marches, rallies, and vigils to take a public stand for justice for all people.  I will continue to wear black and carry signs to demonstrate with Add the 4 Words to bring equality for LGBT people in this state.

 I will work with the interfaith coalition I began 3 years ago to stand up for LGBT rights.  We have expanded our focus to cover other progressive issues.  Our four pillars are: Climate Change, Religious Respect, Economic Justice, and Human Rights & Equality.  Interest in our coalition is growing, especially among clergy.  I am inspired by the faithful, passionate, and articulate clergy who I work with on the steering committee and larger planning team.  While we are just getting started with new plans for this year, our prayer vigils will continue in front of the Capitol each Wednesday while the legislature is in session. 

 I will work with fellow United Methodists on justice issues. I am excited about attending a justice conference next month in Portland.  Our keynote speaker will be a new bishop recently appointed in our Western Jurisdiction—a lesbian, much to the dismay of many in our denomination.  I look forward to meeting and sharing ideas with other progressive Methodists.  How do we change our church?  How do we change our world?

 I will try to be more diligent about contacting my senators and representatives in Congress.  I live in a very red state so I rarely agree with the men who supposedly represent me.  Contacting them seems like a waste of time so I have to remind myself that it is still important to give them my opinion.  When election time rolls around again, I will work to support people who better represent my values. ·         

I will wear my safety pin so people who are fearful will know that I am a safe person and that I will support them.  I take this statement seriously and will do all I can to stand up for marginalized people. 

Do not be afraid! (This is repeated many times in the Bible.)   I refuse to let fear of what might happen stop me.  I am determined to make a difference in my community, spreading love and joy instead of hate.  I believe that my energy is best spent working locally; there is plenty to do here.  I will carry my little candle into the darkness and together with my fellow citizens we will begin to light our world once again.

Family Holidays

I am sitting on my mother-in-law’s screened patio in Florida.  The wind is whipping through the palm tree in front of me.  I have been watching a pair of sandhill cranes carefully, cautiously walk around the edge of the small lake.  Such beautiful, graceful birds!  I have resisted the urge to run and get my camera.  I am at peace simply watching.

We arrived here a couple of days ago to visit my 93-year-­old mother-in-law.  We haven’t done much but that is okay because I am tired and still recovering from surgery.  Today we went for a walk, yesterday we joined others for lunch, and the day before we went to the pool.  It’s enough.  Tonight, New Year’s Eve, the three of us plus my sister-in-law and her boyfriend are going to the New Year’s Eve dinner and party for this retirement community.

My husband and I spent Christmas at our older daughter’s house in North Carolina,  It was wonderful spending time with her, our son-in-law, and our 15-month-old grandson.  We also had the opportunity to be with our younger daughter who lives close by.  On Christmas Day we were joined by our younger daughter’s boyfriend and our son-in-law’s parents.  We had a full table.  The highlight of our visit was our grandson.  It’s been a long time since we’ve been around a small child at Christmas.  What joy they bring!  Of course, he is too young to understand anything about Christmas yet but old enough to appreciated some of its delights.  One night we rode on a wagon behind a tractor on a farm that had been converted to a huge light display that turned on as we approached.  The next night we walked through a Chinese lantern event.  These “lanterns” were wire sculptures of all sizes covered with silk and lit from within.  Our grandson stared with wonder at these creations—we all did.  His eyes were bright as he stared at all the lights.

On Christmas Eve we attended a 7:00 p.m. worship service with our daughter and family.  The little guy was dressed up in his suit and sat on his mother’s lap.  He loves music so he clapped after each musical number and even some scripture readings.  Of course nobody else did.  Occasionally he would add a loud laugh.  He was clearly enjoying himself.  Fortunately, the people around him turned and smiled at him in amusement.  Our grandson was not interested in the minister’s sermon so he and mom left for a little while.  When we returned home and he was ready for bed, we sat together in the rocker while I read “The Night Before Christmas” to him from a book that belonged to my mother, published in 1932.  This was special and the rest of the family watched,

Christmas Day was overwhelming for our grandson.  He opened his stocking, took a nap, and his other grandparents arrived.  He had a stack of presents larger than him but somehow he and his mom got through them.  Of course, nearly every toy makes a noise these days.  He learns quickly so he was going between toys, turning one on then going to the next one.  I am pleased that the little people airplane I bought for him is his favorite.  Needless to say, with all these new things and a bunch of people around, our busy little boy was tired and cranky at the end of the day.  Christmas overload! 

Christmas in North Carolina was not relaxing but it was a lot of fun.  Today I am finally able to simply relax in a nice warm climate.  The weather should be lovely for our last few days here before we have to return to Idaho’s frigid weather.  I hope to continue my recuperation here, appreciating the climate, scenery, and family.  Hopefully I can return home with a bit more energy, ready to tackle the new year.

The Magic and Mystery of Christmas

I wrote the following for our church's Advent devotional booklet.  It is today's devotion.

When I was a small child, Christmas was a time filled with magic, mystery, and wonder.  I eagerly awaited the arrival of that jolly, mysterious man in the red suit, Santa Claus.  One year I was certain that I heard the footsteps of reindeer on our roof as I lay in bed on Christmas Eve.  However, Santa was not the only magical part of Christmas for me.  Each year we would dress up in our Christmas best and head to our Methodist Church for the Christmas Eve service.  Following a wonderful service of music and hand-held candles, my family took the long way home.  We sought out beautiful Christmas lights and displays with Santa.  Our ultimate destination, and the destination of many other people, was a very special nativity display at the home of Sundar Shadi.  Mr. Shadi was Hindu, not Christian.  He had come to the United States as a young man, an immigrant from India.  The display was his way of saying thanks to our community.

For me, this nativity scene was magical.  You could not actually see the Holy Family.  What we saw was the town of Bethlehem at the top of the hill.  A large star hovered above it.  There were angels and shepherds with their flocks plus wise men with camels.  Christmas music was playing and there was a sign with a passage from Luke.  This scene always filled me with wonder.  Mr. Shadi’s gift of love was a reminder of God’s greatest gift of all.

Through the years I have tried to keep my Christmas focused on what is most meaningful to me instead of trying to create what retailers tell us is the “perfect” Christmas.  Gifts are not a big deal anymore, although I do enjoy making or finding something special for a loved one.  No matter where we are, it is important to find a candlelight Christmas Eve service.  I have begun collecting nativity scenes from all over the world, something that has brought me great joy.  At Christmas I want to celebrate the mystery that is God and God’s most wondrous gift, Jesus, a gift of love.

Holy God, this year let us be filled with the magic and mystery of Christmas.  Let us celebrate your wondrous gift of love and spread your light for all to see.  Amen

Recovering

Two weeks ago today I returned home from the hospital after undergoing major surgery.  I was glad to be able to sleep in my own bed.  It’s not that I didn’t like the hospital bed with all of its different positions but it was somewhat difficult to figure out how to do it while heavily drugged.  A side sleeper, I couldn’t quite figure out how to move with an IV and several other things attached to me.

Our recliner has become my spot, perfect for reading, napping, and watching a little TV.  Our black cat, Juno, is happy about this.  Wherever she is, within a few minutes of the time I sit down she is in my lap.  Of course, this makes getting out of the chair difficult.

My doctor told me that recovery time would be 6 weeks so I would have to take it easy.  No driving for 2 weeks.  No lifting, dancing, or traveling for 6 weeks.  No exercise except walking.  She said that I could go out if I feel up to it but I would need to sit.  Apparently there are a lot of people who believe that I am incapable of sitting still for long.  Friends on my Facebook page said “Take it easy!” “Don’t overdo it” and “Behave!”  My pastor commented during Bible study that perhaps somebody should tie me to my bed.  For her benefit I posted a photo of myself in a chair with a chain wrapped around me.  Before I went out the first time I posted a photo with the chain on the floor.

I have been lucky and have not had much pain, even in the hospital.  However, I cannot believe how tired I am.  I don’t think I have ever been this tired in my life.  I wake up tired in the morning and after naps.  Simple acts like getting dressed wear me out.  I have ventured out about half a dozen times for events, a meeting, a church service and meal, errands, and my post-op appointment. Although I spent most of my time sitting when I went out, I have needed a nap when returning home.  Today my husband and I went to a large craft store for what was supposed to be a quick trip.  There was a big sale and the store was crowded.  I could not find the items I wanted.  Multiple clerks tried to help me.  As I stood in an aisle waiting, I looked around desperately for a chair—or anything I could sit on.  Nothing.  OMG, I need to sit down!  Finally a third salesclerk showed up and led me to my items.  I handed them to my husband and while he stood in line, I walked out to the car so I could sit.  Relief.  When I got home I headed to the recliner.  The other cat, Sadie, joined me, and then later Juno claimed her spot.

My husband did not have to cook for the first week I was home because friends from our church brought over food.  I have received care packages from a sister and my parents plus lots of cards and greetings on Facebook.  My husband has taken good care of me.  I ordered a stack of books from Amazon which should keep me entertained for some time.  I made sure that there were humorous books in this stack.  Today I began reading Nora Ephron’s I Feel Bad About My Neck.  After that first chapter, I got out of my recliner and went to look at my neck in the bathroom mirror.

I had thought that I would be able to catch up and do things at home that I haven’t had time to do.  I simply have not had the energy yet.  I am trying to be patient.  I am aware that I am so much better off than some other people.  In another month I’ll be almost as good as new.  I will simply have to work at getting back in shape and losing weight.  We have good medical insurance that has paid the majority of my doctor and hospital bills.  Just after my 6-week post op appointment, we will be flying across the country to join our family for Christmas.  I can’t wait to see our 1-year-old grandson and watch his reaction to our Christmas celebration.  By the beginning of 2017, I should be ready to deal with whatever the new year has to bring.