Waiting

This past week I came to the realization that I am not so good at waiting.  I think I am not alone.

My doctor sent me to get an x-ray since I’ve had a cough for 3 months.  He left me a message later in the day saying that he didn’t want to worry me, but that the x-ray showed a dark shadow in my lung tissue.  His nurse called later with an appointment for a CT scan the next morning.

Don’t worry?!?  Oh my gosh.  I was imagining all sorts of things.  Could it be lung cancer?  I’ve never smoked but neither did my friend’s sister who recently died from that horrible disease.  I waited for a call all day but the phone didn’t ring.  I tried to go about my normal activities but I was anxious, unable to concentrate—probably made worse by the prednisone I was taking.  I was caught up in the waiting—not really functioning well—just waiting.  Will I end up in the hospital or is it nothing at all?  Don’t worry?!

Finally, the phone call came the next morning.  The nurse, in a rather cheerful voice, told me that I have a “bit of pneumonia” which of course is much better than some of the other possibilities.  Who would have thought I’d be relieved to have pneumonia?

I discussed the waiting with others, both on Facebook and in person.  People mentioned their distress in waiting for the results of a medical test or a biopsy.  Then a couple of friends stated that they had been waiting all their lives; younger people worry this could happen to them.  One friend is an actress in New York City—she has been waiting for her big break for decades.  My younger daughter, one of the young adults who has been trampled by our economic downturn, is waiting for her life to begin—waiting to be truly an adult and on her own.  And me?  I’m waiting to hear about a couple of job applications—waiting for what I’ll do next.

Waiting is hard.  What makes it so difficult is that the results are usually out of our control.  We’ve done all we can do and all there is left to do is wait.  And wait.  And all I can really do is pray for a little patience and calm while I do the required waiting.

The Freedom of Spring

Ah, spring!  Not only does the earth come alive this time of year, but so does my spirit.  After months of feeling trapped in my house by the cool weather, suddenly I feel free.  My vegetable garden is planted and there are flowers in pots on my patio and deck.

It was a beautiful day yesterday with the high in the low eighties so my husband and I decided to take a bike ride.  We are lucky to have a greenbelt along the Boise River—we can bike from our house and access the bike path.  We were slightly detoured because of a flooded underpass.  The Boise River is no longer at flood stage, but it is still running fast and high; the water has not receded everywhere.

This was my first bike ride of the season.  For me, there is a feeling of freedom as I pedal along and take in my surroundings.  A cool breeze coming off the river refreshed me as I pushed along.  The sweet fragrance of the Black Locust blossoms filled our nostrils.  The beginning of our trip took us along the horse barns at the fairgrounds—there were lots of horses poking their heads out of their stalls, watching us go by.  We pedaled over a wooden bridge across the swollen river; we rarely see it so high.  We rode past houses and also through areas where there was not a single house in sight—just green vegetation, water, and birds.  As we approached the downtown area, we saw more and more people enjoying the end of a lovely Sunday—families fishing or picnicking, and all ages on foot, in strollers, on bikes, or on skateboards, many with dogs on leashes.  We stopped at the new white water park to watch kayakers playing in the rapids.

My husband and I got off our bikes at the Anne Frank Memorial—a memorial dedicated to human rights and containing a variety of quotes carved in stone along with waterfalls, flowers, and benches.  We noticed that the sunlight seemed strangely dim then realized that we could observe the partial eclipse through the clouds.  I even took a couple of photos.

  

The hour was getting late so we headed back.  We arrived home tired and hungry, but also refreshed from our outing.

A Visit to the Greenhouse

Today was the day.  My garden was rototilled just yesterday and the soft brown soil beckons me.  With an unstructured day ahead of me, one of the advantages of being unemployed, today was the day to visit the local greenhouse.

When I arrived I was surprised to see so many cars midafternoon on a weekday.  I secured a double-decker cart and followed the path, well known to me now, to the vegetable greenhouse.  There are so many varieties to choose from, but I have my favorites.  However, I always like to try something new—this year it is a chocolate bell pepper.  Once I found what I needed in that greenhouse, and picked up seed packets, I headed to the annual flowers.

Oh the flowers!  Every color imaginable.  I was choosing flowers for the pots on my patio and deck.  Mostly I go for the bright reds, yellows and oranges, but since I love blue and purple, some of those somehow jumped into my cart, too.  I picked up a six-pack of Gazania which I love because of the variegated leaves and the colors of the daisy-like flowers.  The only problem is that the squirrels like them, also—they think it is squirrel salad.  I must find a way to outwit them this year.  I was done shopping when I couldn’t fit another plant onto my cart.

I do know that this will not be my last trip to the greenhouse this season.  Next step—start digging.!

Back to Gardening

I admit I was getting grumpy.  Day after day of gray skies and rain—so much rain that the river is flooding its banks.  The rain stopped, the sun came out, and it got cold.  There was ICE on my windshield when I went out to my car yesterday morning and, of course, my husband had optimistically put away the ice scrapers already.  Argghh!!

Today was sunny and still rather cold when we got up.  However, by mid-afternoon the temperature climbed to a balmy 65 degrees—good enough.  I marched outside to tackle my large yard.  Today it was time to prune the roses.  It does seem that I can’t escape injury while wrestling these thorny bushes, but no complaints—it was so great to be outside in the sun.  Our dog, Piper, ever the curious one, wanted to check out my progress.  She’s very good at inserting herself right in the middle of whatever I’m trying to do—but I did get dog kisses.

One of the benefits of gardening is the opportunity to observe the wildlife (and I’m not referring to Piper).  Since we have water on our property, we also are blessed with a multitude of birds.  Today while my eyes were focused on rose canes, my husband called for me to look up.  High above us was an osprey slowly canvassing the water below him, looking for dinner.  I stood up, and leaning on the fence, watched him glide above the trees until he disappeared from sight.

Once the roses were pruned and fertilized, I hobbled back inside, my back loudly complaining of abuse.  Gardening takes its toll on my body, but hearing it will be even warmer tomorrow, I know I will be back outside with my pruning shears, ready to commune with nature another day.

A Rainy Day

Rain

There was a lot of it today

Pounding on the roof

Pouring from the gutters

Creating ponds in our driveway

Good weather for ducks

More rain

Filling the river

Overflowing its banks

But this is a desert

Still more rain

Raincoat with hood to cover me

Windshield wipers are old

Water sprays up from the road

Drivers forget how to drive in rain

Back home in my dry house

The sun peeks out through the clouds

Water droplets on leaves glisten

My spirits lift with the light

But the dark clouds in the distance

Warn me of more rain to come

Pure Joy

Dance is joy

My spirit set loose

Turning, leaping

Feet moving to music

Watching a dancer

Can be pure delight

But there is nothing

Like turning my body free

Putting the world aside

And dancing for the joy of it