2020 Haiku

 

A year of chaos

Plague, fires, storms, floods, unrest, greed

Bye 2020

The Magic of Christmas

The night is still this Christmas Eve.  Christmas music is softly playing and the lights of our tree glow brightly.  There is something magical about this night.  It has always been that way for me.  When I was a child, Christmas Eve was exciting.  I could hardly wait for Santa’s arrival.  I could imagine the reindeer landing on our roof and Santa dropping down our chimney.  In the evening we would attend Christmas Eve services at our church and then we would drive around to look at Christmas lights.  Our last stop was a special place; people came from all around to see it.  Up the hill from our home was a fabulous Christmas display made by Sundar Shadi.  At the top of Mr. Shadi’s yard was a star shining above a small town, Bethlehem.  Closer to the sidewalk were shepherds with their sheep.  There was a fire where they warmed themselves.  In another direction were the wise men with their camels.  Christmas music softly played.  I had to imagine what was up ahead for them.  We couldn’t see Mary, Joseph, and the baby.  There was an air of anticipation and even mystery.  This scene was magical for me.

Long after I learned the truth about Santa, this Christmas scene still held its magic for me.  Its creator, Mr. Shadi, was an immigrant, not even a Christian.  He built this as a gift to the community.

This year our usual Christmas celebrations are cancelled because of the pandemic.  We are celebrating more simply.  Our pastor asked us what Christmas means to us.  Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus.  The truth is that we don’t know exactly when or where Jesus was born.  Of the four Gospels, two don’t even contain a birth narrative.  The other two, Luke and Matthew, tell two totally different stories; we tend to combine them.  What really happened?  We don’t know.  Does it matter?  I don’t think so.  It’s a mystery.

What does Christmas mean to me?  This year there is no celebrating with the family.  I can’t go to church but have to be content with an online service.  It’s quiet and I have time to think.  On Christmas we celebrate the birth of a baby, an incredible gift to us.  This baby grew into a man who showed us what God looks like in human form.  He taught us how to live and how to love.

Christmas is about love.  This is a season of renewed hope, a season of joy.  When I read the Christmas stories in Luke and Matthew, I am filled with wonder, just as I was as a child looking at Mr. Shadi’s display.  Will we ever find the peace that fills us at Christmas?  Can we find hope in these difficult times?  Will the Kingdom of God be fulfilled?  How can Jesus be fully human and fully divine?  I have so many questions.  I don’t expect to know the answers in my lifetime.  A little mystery is okay.  It is what makes Christmas magical.

12/24/2020

My Blessing in Disguise

Every year my church publishes an Advent booklet of devotions written by church members.  This year the theme is "Blessings in Disguise" and the devotions are being shared on Facebook.  Today mine was posted so I am sharing it here.

People describe me as busy.  Although I am retired, I am accustomed to leaving the house nearly every day for various activities.  An extrovert, I enjoy seeing and interacting with people.  But all that changed in March.  As the coronavirus began to spread, activities and events were quickly cancelled and buildings were closed.  My calendar was covered with Wite-Out and we were sheltering at home.  What a change!

My husband, Bob, takes our dog for regular walks, often along the Boise River.  Occasionally I would join them, but I was too busy to join them frequently.  However, once the YMCA closed, I was concerned about getting enough exercise so I began to join them more often.  We are lucky to live just a mile from the Boise River.  It is an easy walk to the nature path that runs between the river and some lovely homes.

In March the trees and bushes were bare but this did allow for a good view of the river.  The weather was cool so we kept moving.  By the end of the month, a few leaves had begun to emerge.  I was excited to spot a lone daffodil in the middle of the brown.  I love to take photos so I began to bring my cell phone or sometimes one of my cameras.  I enjoyed sharing the photos on Facebook to bring some joy to others.  Once April arrived, I saw more greenery and lots of birds.  The flowering trees were delightful and their colors were even more intense in the sunlight.  One day I walked alone, just my camera and me.  I was able to slow down and really look at my surroundings—and I got some lovely photos.  On my way back down the path, I did a double take.  There was a Great Blue Heron sitting on a branch not far from me.  It seemed as if he was posing for me.  I also enjoyed watching the ducks floating down the river and resting on the banks.  I realized that the natural world has continued on as usual in the midst of our human pandemic.

Once summer arrived, there were fewer flowers but everything was a beautiful bright green.  The warmer weather caused us to slow down.  We would stop and sit on a chair, a bench, or even a rock and simply watch the river.  Our dog, Ginger, liked to walk into the water to cool off and get a drink.  While the river has a powerful energy, I also found it to have a calming effect on me.  Our summer walks tended to last longer.

During our fall walks we watched as the leaves turned yellow and fell to the ground.  My favorites were the reds and oranges.  Each walk was different as the season progressed.  I loved walking towards the end of the day.  The last bits of sunlight shone through the golden leaves and reflected off the water.  Those are some of my favorite photos.  It’s all about the light.

Winter is approaching, the leaves are all on the ground and the weather is wetter and colder.  There are fewer walks along the river.  I look forward to when our lives return to “normal,” whatever that is.  I know my life will never be quite the same.  For me, I think I will not be rushing around so much.  I think I will pause to appreciate what is around me.  And I know I will continue to take regular walks along the river.  What a blessing it is!

Post-Thanksgiving Reflection

This Thanksgiving was a quiet one, just my husband and me.  Most of the people I know celebrated with just their households; some celebrated as couples and some friends were alone.  Our COVID-19 numbers have skyrocketed all over the country and health official had warned people to stay home.  I did FaceTime with my grandson and I talked on the phone to my daughters, my mom, and a sister.  I confirmed with my mom that we would not be coming for Christmas since it’s not safe.

This is not the first time we have celebrated Thanksgiving alone.  It did allow us to be more relaxed.  I made a pecan pie the night before.  On Thanksgiving morning we watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade as usual (but it was altered) and then I made the cranberry jello salad.  After lunch we started the barbeque in preparation for the turkey.  The afternoon was spent cooking.  We set the dining room table with the china and silver then lit a candle.  Bob and I enjoyed a delicious meal for two—and there are lots of leftovers.

As I reflect on this holiday, I can make a long list of the things for which I am thankful.  Others have been posting similar things online.  This has been a difficult year with lots of disappointments.  We are definitely luckier than many other people, but still it’s been hard.  We know that this pandemic will not end anytime soon.  But I could make a list.

It seems important to look at the bigger picture rather than making lists.  Sitting at the table with my husband, I felt a sense of peace. . . and I felt gratitude for my life.  No matter what happens, I know God is present and there is love.  In the big scheme of things, this is just a blip in time.  We will get back to some sort of normal, perhaps even an improved normal.  A new President and Vice-President will take office on January 20.  They will not be able to fix the mess right away but this country will start to move in the right direction.  In this quieter time, I have taken the opportunity to look around me.  We live in a beautiful world, a diverse world.  I know so many wonderful people.  There is music and there is laughter.  There is more than enough love to go around.  I am grateful to our creator for all of this.

Election Day 2020

 

Anxiously Waiting

It is Halloween night.  In the darkness of this night, no spook is more frightening than our reality right now.  The coronavirus cases are spiking in the United States and around the world.  Hospitals are nearly at capacity and may be forced to make hard choices to deny care to some people.  Our election is in just three days.  There have been threats of violence at the polls and after the election.  It may take a while to declare a winner in the presidential election.  Racial violence continues.  To make matters worse, there have been multiple natural disasters.  2020 has been the year from hell.

The anxiety is palpable.  I hear it in the voices on the phone.  I see it in Facebook posts.  I detect it in my own restlessness.  I led an online interfaith conversation this week and asked them “How is it with your soul?”  There was silence at first and it took some coaxing to get people to share.  They are struggling.  Some said they know God has a plan, but. . . One woman talked about what it’s like to be brown and Muslim.  There was joy in our ability to talk to each other, to see each other’s faces.  I have found it unusually difficult to get people to answer emails, text messages, and phone calls.  Some people seem to be shutting down to a certain extent.  In a team I lead, I finally got three women to answer my question.  They want to wait to plan a program, wait until after the election, wait until January.  They are feeling too much anxiety.

I get this.  I am anxious too.  Like everybody else, I want to get past the election.  I understand that this is probably the most important election in my lifetime.  It is the choice between democracy and authoritarianism.  Joe Biden is well ahead in the polls. . . but we remember the shock of 2016.  I don’t think this country can survive another four years of Trump.  Like so many others, I am worried about what comes next.  And so we anxiously wait.

Pondering It All

Fall is here although this week we are enjoying some warm, sunny weather.  Who would have thought we’d still be dealing with this pandemic at this point and that the U.S. would be doing so poorly compared to other countries?  My husband and I still mostly stay at home.  We had planned to go to the Oregon Coast a couple weeks ago but we cancelled because of the fires and the smoke.

We have been pushing to complete outdoor projects before the cold weather hits.  Sprinklers have been repaired, the driveway regraded and graveled, and the rotting timbers around the front yard replaced with new cherry timbers.  Today the landscape company we hired finished a new brick pathway toward our front door.  I have added new plants. Our acre lot has probably never looked so good.  And there is more to do.

These home projects have served as a good distraction from the reality of our lives.  In many ways things have ground to a halt.  I know we are much luckier than others.  But I miss people.  Zoom meetings are not the same.  I can’t look people in the eye.  I can’t hug them.  I am glad to be able to go back to the zoo as a volunteer in a limited capacity—but I miss interacting with the giraffes and other animals.  I miss worshipping as part of a congregation together in one place.  I miss the in person interactions with my interfaith community.  I miss being able to safely go wherever I want to go.

I am frustrated that we haven’t gotten this virus under control in our country, in our state, and in our county.  This is a failure of leadership but also a failure of our population to take this seriously.  I do appreciate all the people who work hard for the community, often at great sacrifice to themselves.  These wildfires in the west have been horrifying.  A childhood friend had to evacuate her home for a few days.  Luckily, her home is okay and she was able to return.  However, she is not safe yet because the fire is not under control.  She went through this 3 years ago; her daughter and family lost their house.  This is traumatizing.

Last night I watched the first presidential debate.  The American people lost.  What a disaster!  The president couldn’t keep his mouth shut.  He interrupted constantly, bullied and berated his opponent.  His performance was horrendous.  The most alarming part was his refusal to condemn white supremacy.  Instead he encouraged the Proud Boys who took it to heart and stand ready with their guns.  This is truly frightening.  And then there is the Republicans’ rush to confirm a Supreme Court Justice before the election.  Marginalized people worry about what will happen to them when conservatives have a 6-3 majority.

My mind is a jumble of all of these things and more.  An election is coming up so we must pay attention but watching is so depressing.  What do I do?  How do I get up every day?  It’s not easy.  I find joy in everyday things.

Tonight I read a chapter of Winnie-the-Pooh to my 5-year-old grandson via FaceTime.  His smiles and silliness warm my heart.  My Siamese cat jumps on our bed most mornings to have her head scratched.  The black cat jumps up on my desk while I am on the computer, stands in front of the screen and then flops down to be petted.  They make me smile.  We take our dog for walks along the river; it is so peaceful there.  Yesterday we spotted a juvenile red-tailed hawk in our yard.  The sight of this beautiful bird lifted my spirits.  Every day I learn about people working to improve our world, who spread love instead of hate.  When I think of these things I have hope.  I know 2021 will be a better year.  I pray it will be a better year.

Privilege and Vigilante Behavior

One week ago today the Idaho Legislature convened a Special Session called by the Governor.  Unfortunately, it did not begin well.  In fact, it went so poorly that Idaho once again made national news.  An unruly crowd forced their way into the House gallery.  In the process a glass window was shattered.  They filled the gallery which had been marked for social distancing.  They were not wearing masks and some were carrying guns.  The speaker of the House acquiesced and allowed them to stay if they were quiet.

This white right wing group of protesters was given special privilege.  No other group would be allowed to do this.  There was a public uproar.  What if a bunch of Black Lives Matters protesters had behaved this way?  There is no doubt that they would have been arrested.

In fact, I was part of a group of peaceful people who protested for Add the Words (equality for LGBTQ people) 5-6 years ago.  We stood silently and caused no damage yet we were arrested.  Many people pointed out this double standard.  On Thursday I accompanied a group of clergy who delivered 17 letters from Interfaith clergy to the Governor’s Office.  The letters expressed concern about this incident.

The next day these people returned.  They were loud, rude, and refused to socially distance as required.  Some were armed.  One of the legislators left because she felt unsafe.  Later, several people were finally arrested when they refused to cooperate.

This alarming behavior and our leaders’ poor response make members of the legislature and the public unsafe in the people’s house.  Unfortunately, this is just one example of the entitlement of the extreme right in this state and around the country.

We have a group of Black Lives Matters protesters who have been peacefully assembling regularly.  Their first big event in June was huge, the largest ever at our Capitol building.  About 5,000 people gathered outside, listening to speakers and music.  Nearly everyone wore a mask and the event was peaceful.  There were people driving around on motorcycles and in trucks carrying flags and Trump signs.  They honked and yelled profanities but the crowd ignored them.

Since that time a group of armed white people carrying American flags have shown up when they hear the BLM group is planning a protest.  They claim they are there to protect property and police (who don’t need their help) but instead they harass and intimidate people.  One time an 18-year-old was walking around with an automatic weapon, his finger on the trigger.  The gun went off but luckily nobody was injured.

Recently we read in the paper about the armed right wing militias roaming the streets in northern Idaho.  They claim to be there to protect from Antifa (which isn’t there) and are welcomed by local officials.  Instead they harass the young protesters.

These scenes are repeated in other parts of our country.  The other day a 17-year-old shot and killed two protesters while he was there to “protect.”  Angry white extremists with guns are being given a pass to threaten and intimidate people they don’t like.

This is alarming.  What has become of our country?  We have an authoritarian president who incites violence, encouraging these vigilantes.  Local conservative officials give them privileges that the rest of us do not have.  We need to take back our country from extremists and work for equality for all.  Our choice in November is clear—democracy or authoritarianism.  Vote!

A Change of Seasons

I felt it the other day.  Summer is coming to an end.  There’s a nip in the air that appears just before the sun sets.  The days are getting shorter. 

Right now I am sitting on my deck enjoying the sunshine and the sound of the wind blowing through the trees.  A cold front has arrived bringing cooler temperatures and clearer skies.  This summer, in the middle of a pandemic, my yard has been my refuge.  Friends have referred to it as my oasis.  Our acre is a lot of work but it helps me keep my sanity while isolating at home.  It is peaceful.  The greenery, the multitude of colors, the birds, the critters bring joy to my heart.

What will I do when winter is here and this is all just a memory?  How will I handle being stuck inside?  I worry about this.  I will have to find ways to bring the color and sounds inside.  That will be my challenge.

Blackberry Pie

 

Plump black berries hang in clusters

Just waiting to be picked

One by one I pluck them

And drop then into the bowl

Squatting, I reach for more

Sometimes the best are hard to get

I pull my arm back, berries in hand

My arm is covered in purple juice

I stand and walk inside with my bounty

 

As I wash my hands with soap

Trying in vain to remove the stain

Old childhood memories flood back

Each summer we visited the country

My grandma would hand us a coffee can

And we’d head to thick blackberry bushes

Then return with stained hands and shirts

We gave the berries to our grandma

And she would bake a wonderful pie

 

Now I make the pie that grandma made

I cut the lard into the flour

Carefully I roll out the dough

Then place it in my favorite pie tin

The plump juicy berries go inside

Sprinkled with sugar and tapioca

More dough on top then into the oven

Soon the house smells amazingly sweet

The bubbly pie is pulled from the oven

We wait for it to cool with anticipation

 

Cheers to 40 Years!

This past Sunday, Bob and I celebrated our 40^th wedding anniversary.  It was not the celebration we had planned—we had hoped to do a European river cruise—but the pandemic changed our plans.  We did a quiet little celebration on our patio just for the two of us.  We hung up decorations and put a red tablecloth on our patio table.  Dinner was ordered from a local restaurant, we picked up a cake from a nearby bakery, and we added champagne to our weekly grocery order.  It was important to make this landmark anniversary special; at our ages we don’t know if we’ll make it to our 50^th.

We pulled out our wedding photos which we hadn’t seen for ages.  Many of the people who were there that day are no longer with us.  There was a photo of a cousin with her young family; she died recently and it made me smile to see her.  How young we were!  I asked for lots of photos of our guests and I’m so happy that we have them.  There were lots of family members, church members, coworkers, childhood friends, college friends, and neighbors.  The ceremony and reception were in the redwoods.  I had dreamed about having my wedding among these trees since I was young.  We had a band for the entire event.  It was a great party.

We’ve had a good life together.  Just three years after our wedding, we moved from California to Idaho.  We raised two daughters who both now live in North Carolina.  One is married and the other had planned to marry in September; that wedding has been postponed a year, another victim of the pandemic.  We have a lively young grandson and expect more grandchildren in the next few years.  Life is good—especially when you have the right person at your side.

Written on 7/29/20

Time to Ponder

 

I am sitting next to the river at my favorite campsite.  It’s a beautiful, quiet place to reflect.  Usually it’s a retreat from my overly busy life.  This year is different.  The pandemic has cancelled normal activities and instead we have meetings online.  I have seen more people float by me on the river this morning than I have seen in months.

This morning I am thinking about how our lives have changed.  What will the new normal be when the pandemic subsides?  We can’t go back to what it was before.  What does this mean for me?  What changes do I make?

I realize that I need to start thinking about this.  I am disconnected from the world right now.  There is no cell service where we are.  No distractions.  For me these deliberations come from a place of faith.  What gifts do I use to help make the world around me a better place for everyone?  What am I called to do?  How does that change as I am less able to do physical things?  I have so many questions.  I know that I need time to ponder all of it and be open to the answers.

Written on 7/29/20

         

 

A Time to Sit

In the stillness you are here

A wind chime plays its tune

And bird songs punctuate the silence

Wind stirs the branches of the oak trees

A plane reminds me of my worldly connection

My ancestors walked these roads

Among some of the same trees

Did they know you too?

You who are the connection for us all

Who exists in the wind, the trees and me

Today is a time to sit, wait, and listen

Written on 6/29/20

Freedom

A virus stopped us

We wear masks, shelter in place

High risk keeps us home

I long for freedom

To go places with people

Zoom meetings suffice

But I can stay home

And I can do what I want

I do have freedom

I am unscheduled

I garden, read, and create

I can send love too

Can We Change Now?

This evening I walked into the house and plopped down on the couch to take a short break from weeding.  I stayed there for a while.  My husband was watching PBS News Hour and they were showing all the places in the country where people are protesting and rioting following the murder of George Floyd by police in Minneapolis.  But it’s about a lot more than that.

Watching all the videos of the violence brought me back to the riots of 1968.  I remember the day that Martin Luther King, Jr. was shot.  Kids set fires in the garbage cans at our junior high school; they sent us all home.  I couldn’t understand why people would use violence in response to the assassination of a non-violent man.  I am so much older now and my understanding has changed.

After all these years, what has changed in our country?  We had riots 50+ years ago but what have we learned?  Like many other people, of all races, I was horrified when I saw the video clip of the white police officer kneeling on George Floyd’s neck.  Why?  Why would someone do this?  So they fired the four officers who were present.  Okay good.  But why weren’t they arrested?  This was clearly murder.  The officer who kneeled on him has been arrested finally but what about the others?  And it was only a few months ago that another black man, Ahmaud Arbery, was murdered while jogging by two white men.

As a white woman, I know I am privileged.  I am shocked and disgusted by these events.  I am learning that people of color react somewhat differently.  This is one more violent act perpetrated on their people; it’s been happening their entire lives.  They are angry.  I can empathize but I can’t truly understand what it is like for them to live in a white dominated system that works against them.  Black parents tell their kids how to behave around white people, especially cops.  One wrong step and they may never come home again.  Activities I take for granted, that I don’t even think about, can be risky if you have dark skin.  I can’t imagine what it is like to live like that.

Multiple cities have had peaceful protests that have erupted into riots with fires, looting, and destruction.  For some, this is pent up anger and this is the only way they have left to get attention.  Peaceful methods have failed.  To make matters worse, infiltrators have been traveling from other states to instigate violence.  There are some reports that they are far right groups, white supremacists, intent on creating chaos and breaking down civil society.

As a non-violent person, I am distressed to see this violence.  I feel for the small businesses who have just barely reopened during this pandemic and now their businesses are gone.  On the other hand, I feel for people who are so oppressed that they feel they have no other option than violence to show how they feel and to demand change.

How do we change this now?  How can we be successful when we have failed so miserably in the past?  How do we end racism?  Can we change hearts and minds?  What do we do?

As a progressive who lives in a very white and conservative state, I struggle with this.  First, we need new leadership in this country.  We need to change systems in this country and it should begin with the President and Congress.  However, it seems that much of what needs to be done is at a local level.  Police departments need to be reorganized and officers should be vetted more carefully.  We need to talk to each other.  We need to listen to each other.  When I have worked on other justice issues, I have learned to sit and listen because I really don’t know what it’s like to walk in the other’s shoes.  We can’t support people and make changes unless we understand what they need from us.

When President Obama was elected, many of us thought we had turned a corner—but it just brought out the racists.  And now President Trump is fanning the flames of hatred.  I pray that we Americans will have the courage and wisdom it takes to turn our country around now, before it’s too late.

In Limbo

It’s been a little over one month since I wrote about the pandemic.  Not much has changed. . . except that I can now order toilet paper online.  My husband and I are still mostly at home.

The country is starting to open back up although the number of new cases of coronavirus continues to increase and the death toll in the United States has passed 100,000.  In Idaho, one week ago, there were 98 new cases in just one day, a big jump.  However, that was apparently mostly in one area.  Idaho has just entered Stage 3 reopening which means nearly everything is allowed to reopen.  Churches were allowed to open in Stage 1 but it appears that not many have done so.  My church is doing prerecorded services online, as have many others.  Our bishop said that we cannot open until at least June 15.  It will probably be later than that. 

Although masks and social distancing are still recommended, many people are ignoring that and acting as if the pandemic is over.  Others, like us, are avoiding people and ordering online.  There are Zoom meetings for everything but I miss seeing people in person.  On the other hand, I am enjoying staying at home.  We have an acre so there is plenty to do.  My yard should look fantastic by the end of the season.  We have had some beautiful weather so simply sitting on the deck has been delightful.

Perhaps the most difficult thing about living in these times is that we can’t really plan ahead.  It may be another year before we have a vaccine.  This virus will be with us for a while so we will have to learn to live with it.  We will need to continue social distancing and large gatherings will be difficult.  This means that people are delaying decisions on all kinds of things.  We are living in limbo.

Waiting for Justice in Our Church

I was supposed to be in Minneapolis right now.  My pastor and I were scheduled to fly out yesterday for the 2020 General Conference of the United Methodist Church, a gathering of people from all over the world.  This was the conference that was supposed to decide the future of our global church.  Would we split or figure out how to stay together?  And now we must wait until 2021.

I had attended General Conference in 2016 as a volunteer for the Love Your Neighbor Coalition, a protester standing up for equality for LGBTQ people in our church.  (I blogged about it.)  I have been watching our church politics closely ever since then.  When my pastor asked me to go with her, I jumped at the chance.  She signed up as a conference volunteer, as clergy in the prayer room and as a greeter.  I was hoping to balance my time between serving as a conference volunteer and a volunteer with Love Your Neighbor Coalition.  Before I could sign up, the coronavirus made its appearance.

After experiencing the divisive and emotionally difficult General Conference in 2016, I knew that this conference would not be easy.  Four years ago I had been in community with people who were directly affected by the church’s injustice.  We sang together and lifted each other up.  I had hoped that delegates could find a just solution this time.  Now we wait some more.

Tonight the Reconciling Ministries Network hosted a virtual worship service, “Be Still and Know,” celebrating the strength of the reconciling movement and offering hope and healing.  Clergy participants spoke from their homes from all around the United States and even in Kenya.  The music was from a gathering that occurred 9 weeks ago, before social distancing was necessary.  We sang a lot of the same music during GC 2016 and it brought back memories of what it felt like to be in that community.  I sang along to a couple songs and choked back tears.  Four years have passed and we haven’t made the progress we had hoped for.  The service ended on a positive note.  During the final song, there were photos of the 323 congregations and communities who joined the reconciling movement since the hateful special General Conference 2019.  That gives me hope. 

The world waits for this pandemic to end.  And so the church waits too.  Waiting is hard, especially when there is no equality for LGBTQ people during the waiting.  “Be still and know that I am God.”  What does God want us to do?  I truly believe in an inclusive God, a God who loves all God’s children.  That God is the one Jesus showed to us.  What can we learn during this time of waiting?  Is it possible to end the harm and keep the church together?  Can we be an inclusive and loving church?  I’m waiting. . . but I hope it is not too much longer.

In Search of TP

When the coronavirus first made its appearance in the United States, I was amazed that the toilet paper began disappearing off the shelves.  Why were people hoarding tp?  Stores began limiting how much an individual could buy but the shelves were still emptying.  I wasn’t worried because we had a huge package of double rolls.  Surely it would last until the supply was back to normal.  I would check the shelves each time I was in the grocery store—still no tp.  Once everything started shutting down, my husband and I made the decision not to enter a store of any kind because we are both high risk.

It’s been a couple of months since toilet paper became scarce and still it is hard to get.  Where is it?  We have a factory that manufactures toilet paper in our state yet we still have empty shelves.  We have been ordering groceries online for weeks.  We can order everything but toilet paper.  Either you can’t order it at all or you order it but it is not in your order when you pick it up.

Earlier this week we were down to our last two rolls.  We placed an order with a grocery store around 4 p.m. with pickup at 9:00 the next morning (a designated senior pickup time).  I ordered tp and then added additional items just so I could make the minimum amount.  When my husband went to pick up the order there was no tp.  What do we do?

I consider myself an independent person, accustomed to taking care of myself.  And we couldn’t get something as basic as tp.  I had been asking people for tips about getting toilet paper but everybody was going into a store to buy it.  So I posted in a COVID-19 mutual aid Facebook group for my county and asked if anyone knew how to order tp for pickup.  Immediately, two women offered to buy it for me.  (Others made suggestions that I had already tried.)  I contacted the first woman for help.  By the end of the day there was a large package of tp on my front porch.  She wouldn’t accept any payment for it.  In addition, she said to let her know if we need anything else.  While we have seen some selfish behavior lately, I am totally amazed at the people who are going out of their way to help others.  I wish I could do this too, but I can’t.  I am not used to being the recipient of such kindness from a stranger.  I am so grateful.  (And I continue to get offers for toilet paper.)

Found Poetry

It's poetry month and a friend posted a fun exercise using "found" poetry. I went through catalogs, magazines, and ads and cut out words and phrases that struck me. I assembled them into the poems you see below.  Try it yourself!

Easter Lament

Yesterday was Easter.

But where was the resurrection?

I couldn’t find the joy.

The churches were all closed

While members isolate at home

Trying to avoid the virus among us.

Service were held online

But many churches struggle with it.

I found some lovely Easter music

But it was hard to feel connected.

Outside the sun was shining

But a cold wind was blowing.

The news is all coronavirus

And it gets bleaker every day.

Easter and spring are a time of rebirth.

The flowers are beginning to bloom.

But where is the hope?

I realize that we have to wait.

We are not good at waiting.

I am not good at waiting.

I struggle to keep emotions in check

But I cannot do it.

I realize that this is okay.

We will not be the same after this.

What am I learning?

How can I help?

God is with us now

And we will find joy again.

Our New Reality

It’s been nearly a month since our lives were upended by the coronavirus.  Usually, we only leave our house to go on errands that don’t require us to get out of the car or to go on walks or bike rides. 

We are learning to get what we need by doing pickups and deliveries.  Grocery pickups take a bit of planning and we are still trying to figure it out.  Neither my husband nor I have stepped into a store for weeks.  Too risky!  Grocery orders with one store are a week out and you can’t order farther out than that.  However, you can add to your order up to the night before pickup.  A second store has more pickup availability but we didn’t get bread in our last order.  You can’t just order a few things either.  It looks like we’ll go without some items.  I needed refills for some of my medications but my pharmacy doesn’t have a drive-up window.  After several phone calls, they told me I’d receive the medications via Fed-Ex; they arrived today.  This was the first time they’d done this so they weren’t sure how well it would work.

Amazon will not deliver everything in two days right now; there are other priorities.  However, they did deliver birthday gifts to my mom for her 90^th birthday!  We also received a backup drive and ink for our computer and printer.  We have ordered take-out meals a couple of times and will continue to do it.  It is a good way to support local restaurants plus it adds something special to our days which are so much the same.

It seems like everyone is using Zoom right now.  I had used it before for meetings with various groups but now it’s a regular thing.  Our church used it the past two Sundays for worship services with limited success.  This was frustrating but there are limitations to the technology plus our church needs some technological upgrades.  Our church also began Zoom gatherings with the pastor on Tuesdays just to check in with each other.  This has been great.  It is so good to see faces.  A few days ago there was a meeting with zoo staff and volunteers.  We learned what is happening at the zoo and with each other.  In a couple days my tap class will try doing a class via Zoom.  That should be interesting.

I thought that I would have a really clean and organized house at this point but that just hasn’t happened.  I have learned that I am not alone.  We get up late and move slowly.  There just isn’t a lot of motivation.  However, the weather is just starting to get warmer here in Idaho (71 degrees F today).  The sun is out so I am eager to get out and work in the yard.  With an acre there is a lot of cleaning up to do.  It still freezes at night so we can’t plant much right now.

While my life is limited, I have added some things.  I am spending more time sitting quietly—reading, writing, and sometimes doing something artistic.  I have talked on the phone more often to family and friends.  I ordered stamps online so I can send out more notes and cards.

I think we will be stuck at home at least another month so I am trying to make the best of it.  I know that I am privileged to be able to do this.  I am grateful for all the people who go to work every day to serve us.  Our world will not be the same when this pandemic is past.  I hope it will change for the better.